As you may know, or remember from this, I have Crohn’s disease which I have been managing with diet and lifestyle since my diagnosis in February 2011. This past year I started dealing with some other health issues (more on this tomorrow). So for the past year I dived deep down the internet rabbit hole to find answers, I researched the vast variety of diets and health recommendations relentlessly to figure out what is TRULY the best way to eat. I read and researched and read some more. Here’s what I’ve learned: {so much more after the jump!}
Sugar is the devil’s spawn and is more addictive than heroin and you probably don’t even know that it’s COMPLETELY CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE AND RUINING YOUR CHANCES OF EVER BEING HEALTHY OR HAPPY OR BEING LOVED BY ANYONE. EVER. If you eat sugar you may end up in a mental institution.
The stress of NOT eating sugar is worse for you than actually eating sugar, and you will forever be a pariah at social gatherings if you are so rigid in your diet that you can’t enjoy an occasional piece of cake. Your friends will turn on you and replace you with a friend who bakes or at the very least eats sugar 20% of the time.
Your gut is the most important part of your body and a delicate flora that is IMPOSSIBLE to keep in balance but it is your entire life’s work to do so. If you fail you will die.
Gluten is the devil. The actual devil. Unless you test negative for gluten sensitivity in which case it’s perfectly healthy and should be enjoyed as part of a balanced diet and eaten on the reg.
If you test negative for gluten sensitivity IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT GLUTEN IS NOT DESTROYING YOUR GUT AT THIS VERY MOMENT, IT’S MOST LIKELY CAUSING IRREPARABLE DAMAGE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU.
Grains are the true devil and should be avoided at all costs, they will cause your gut to leak, destroy your relationships and they will make you fat and quite probably cause diabetes. Unless you soak them overnight before cooking in which case they are slightly less toxic.
Grains are the best and only way to receive enough carbohydrates for your body to function properly, one should make whole grains a regular part of one’s diet without fail. Without them you will become a shadow of yourself and die.
Fruit is a product of Satan, it causes your blood sugar to spike and is basically like eating a bag of refined sugar. It’s also as addictive as crack. If you eat fruit you are a crackhead.
Fruit is filled with fiber, antioxidants and is a critical part of a healthy, balanced diet. Without the proper amounts of fruits and vegetables one will face a lifetime of illness, pain and suffering and eventually die alone without even a cat for company.
Vegetables are the perfect food. Unless they’re not organic + non-GMO, or are nightshades, or are eaten at the same time as a protein or fruit or grains. Or are heavy in carbohydrates or sugar. In any of the aforementioned cases they will cause your gut to leak and subsequently ruin your life and kill you dead.
