Have Fun!

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Happy Tuesday everyone!  After I shared my most recent health update last week I read through all of the comments and emails- I was struck by how many of you are going through or have gone through something similar!  So today I want to share some of the ways that I’m coping.  I know that there are times where life can get very dark- loss, health struggles, the end of a friendship or relationship, work stress- really there are a million things that can weigh us down.  Which always brings me back to the idea that it’s not a matter of what adversity you face- we all face it- but how you get to the other side of it.  It’s been a struggle for me this go-round to find the light, to learn how to be gentle with myself, really- to figure out how to dust myself off and keep moving forward.  I’ve hit some all time lows with this one.  But I’m thankful for them because they’ve provided me the greatest possible opportunity to learn and grow, I know that at the other side of this I’m a better version of myself.  I’m stronger, I’m learning so much about life, myself, and how to love myself and be ok in the world even in the darkest moments.  More below… {image via}

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No, but seriously! I’m not sorry!

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Hi my friends!  I’m sorry for my sporadic posting as of late!  Actually, I take that back, I’m not really sorry.  I recently read and watched this and….. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).  Yesterday I caught myself apologizing twice for what was essentially just being alive and out in the world.  One of those times a man was coming in a door that I was going out of- and the door was solid so neither one of us could see the other until we were practically bumping into eachother.  He said “Oh!  Excuse me!”  and I simultaneously said “OH!  I’m so sorry!!!”  WTF!  That auto-apology is no bueno, I’ve got to kick that habit to the curb!

So routing back- my posting has been sporadic, but there’s a reason for it.  That reason, as it is, has to do with my health.  I’ve been STRUGGLING this year.  At first I thought it was the stress of the move- and the six weeks living with friends, the buying and selling of our houses.  But then all of that was behind us.  Next I thought it was that being under that stress for so long triggered my body and that once life settled I would feel better.  A few other things popped up and life wasn’t settled.

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The Light at the End of the Tunnel

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After last week’s post, one my dear, sweet readers left this in the comment section: THANKS FOR SHARING.  I’M WHERE YOU WERE BACK THEN.  WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO CHANGE? WHAT WAS YOUR TURNING POINT?   

It struck a chord with me, it resonated deeply because I felt in those words such a strong yearning for something different. So my tender hearted and beautiful reader, here is my answer:

First and foremost, if you’re looking at the physical portion, which I suspect you may be- how did I go from looking like that to looking like this?  There’s no simple answer to that- it was years upon years of learning to value myself enough to eat foods that are healthy (and learning what that meant), it was my Crohn’s diagnosis, it was following my dreams (which, incidentally, involved packing up my car and moving 3,000 miles across the country to go to school to study photography).  It was having a college boyfriend break my heart over and over and over again, and not loving myself enough to put an end to it.  It was excessive amounts of drinking and drugs to try to escape.  There was no turning point, there was no diet- I tried a good many of them at one point or another in my desperate search.  {more after the jump}

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Musings: Share Your Secrets

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Hello my friends!  I’m excited today to revisit my musings column.  My intention is to write more this year- to touch on the things I’ve learned from struggles I’ve overcome or experiences I’ve had, things that I’m reminding myself of or just random thoughts that have been kicking around in the ol’ brain for awhile!  Today’s Musings post is about the secrets we keep and how sharing them can set you free.

We all have a history- we’ve all done things that we are ashamed of.  We have things about ourselves that we’re embarrassed by, that we don’t share with ANYONE.  And that feeling, that shame, it’s toxic.  It’s the voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough.  It’s the voice that keeps you from feeling like the best self that you already ARE.

Whatever you’ve done, the very worst of it, is forgivable.  Whatever those things are about yourself that you don’t share, that you feel ashamed of- those things don’t define you, they have nothing to do with your value or how lovable you are.  You’re perfectly perfect and wonderful and exactly as you’re meant to be- just as you are.

In my experience, the only way to start believing that, truly believing it, is to share the things you’re terrified to share with the person who you trust most.  And then to keep sharing if possible.  Those secrets feed that negative voice in your head, they perpetuate the myth that there’s something to be ashamed of.  Sharing them forces you to confront that.  It’s not easy work.  It’s terrifying and invites a vulnerability to your sense of self like no other.  But releasing those secrets is a tremendous gift to your spirit.  And the burden of that shame will be lifted, one shared secret at a time.  Challenge your secrets.  Be free.  Love yourself.    xx- Sarah