Lou was setting up lighting for a project he’s doing the other day and asked me to come stand in for some test shots. I threw on a little lip gloss (cause I’m vain like that) and Teo and I headed out to his sweltering studio for a couple of snaps. Here we are! Sweaty, tired, and at least one of us is probably hungry starving and desperate for coffee. {More after the jump}
It’s only been a little over a month since I officially came back to work and I already feel better about it. Before I fully committed to finding my way back to this space I was legitimately scared. Somewhere along the line I lost my confidence, I thought I’d lost my voice, I didn’t think I had anything relevant to say, and I honestly felt like the break I’d taken would mean that no one would care. I felt very vulnerable, deeply insecure, and overwhelmed at the idea of working again. I felt ashamed that I had let so much time pass- even though it was a conscious decision to stay home with Teo and be his primary caretaker. I felt a shame that I hadn’t done what so many of the women whose careers I admire have done and not miss a beat. I don’t know if there’s another time in my adult life when my work esteem was at such a low point. I pushed through it because fortunately my desire to be creative, to write and photograph and design, was greater than my fear. All of those feelings still exist, but I make the conscious decision daily to keep going and every day they’re lessening.
I was having a conversation with another mama the other night who needs to go back to work after being home with her kiddos and she was asking me for advice. I don’t feel like I have much to give but I told her how I’ve been feeling and watched her eyes fill with tears. She told me she feels the same way. I realized in that moment that this isn’t an experience singular to me. Other mothers going back to work struggle with this same challenge and somehow feel, as I did, very much alone in it. It breaks my heart.
So here’s an open letter to every mama who is struggling: {profanity warning because I’m impassioned and I don’t care to censor myself}
Dear Mama,
LOOK AT YOU! I’m serious, look at you! You’re amazing! You’ve just grown a human, nurtured a baby, sacrificed parts of yourself that you will never get back, ached with exhaustion and love and fear. And you’ve survived. You’ve transformed! Transformation is never without pain and loss and struggle, but you’ve done it, and you’ve done it beautifully and from a place of crazy love. You’re basically a fucking superhero! You think you’re not worthy of whatever it is you want?! Look at that child of yours. What do they see in you? You hung the moon! You are home and comfort and joy. You are their entire world and the most beautiful person they can imagine. You are worthy of EVERYTHING and you ARE everything! Not just to them, silly. This is a universal truth.
You can take all of your newfound strength and perspective and you can bring that right into the workspace with you. You’re not behind where you used to be, you’re AHEAD! Sure, there may be some catch up to do in some areas but you think a woman who survived sleeping in 20 minute increments and has been covered in feces or throw-up or both can’t handle THAT??! Please!!!!! I see you mama, you are resilient and a goddamn force to be reckoned with when you decide it will be so. You’ve got EVERYTHING to offer and don’t let this world full of perfectly curated feeds and perfectly doing-it-all moms throw you off. It’s fake. It’s fake as fuck. I know those mamas, they’re covered in the same throw up you are. They have their own set of fears and insecurities and hang-ups. They may not be the exact same as yours but I promise you, they are there. Just because they choose to not talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Don’t let yourself get tricked into thinking anyone has it any easier- some people are just better are faking it.
So this is your mission- get back to it. One day at a time. Whatever it is, whatever you want it to be. Of course you’re scared, we all are. Of course you feel like you can’t do it, we all do. But keep this little letter in your back pocket and remember above all: YOU GOT THIS. I know you and I know without a doubt, you can do it. The only thing standing in your way is you, so step aside and let that mama bear go after it. All will be exactly as it’s meant to be.
With love and admiration,
Sarah
We only just met and I just love you! Thank you for your support and inspiration! <3
You are most welcome Tami!! <3
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You are awesome! I love your letter, what an inspiration xxxx
I am going to forward this to my daughter who just gave birth to our first grandson 6 weeks ago and is heading back to work in 6 weeks. Beautifully spoken as only a mother could so thank you for this. I know it will give her comfort and confidence. Hope all is working out well for you and look forward to seeing ongoing pics of yur reno.
Awe, thank you!!! And more importantly CONGRATS!!!!! That’s so exciting for your family! I do hope this serves her and she gets a boost at what can be a challenging time. Thank you for the note! XX
I’m going back to work on Monday and printing this off to keep in my pump bag. Thanks for sharing!
That makes me so happy Lauren, you have no idea! You’ve got this!!!! <3
<3 <3 <3
I loved the message so much even though I am not a mother to anyone (other than to the planet). It reminds me how much respect we owe each other. And ourselves! Anyhoo, throughout the article, I noticed that your hair looks AMAZING. The best ever! And as a long time reader, I am so happy for you, that you came out the other end of what sounded like a harrowing, extremely rough couple of years! (And thank you so much for sharing those times along with all the other great content. It really is brave and generous to do so when people share their experiences – within reason, of course!) Please accept my prayers for you and your families health and well-being! Blessings!
Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers, they are hugely appreciated! And I’m so happy the message resonated with you. It’s true, these words apply to ALL of us. This human experience is not always an easy one and everyone who’s doing it is truly amazing. Thank you for that reminder!!!! XX
Your post hit me at the perfect time – and absolutely resonates. I’ve done the same thing, taken two years out (with freelancing here and there) to be with my two kiddos. I’m now embarking on getting back in to the work game, while at the same time retraining and trying to shift my 12 year career in PR to interior design (which is how I found you and LOVE your style). It can be so overwhelming and intimidating – especially when moving in a new direction. Thank you so much for your message. It really hit home and it’s good to know I’m not alone in these same feelings.
Hi Alicia! I’m so happy this resonated with you! You’re going to do amazing with all of the skillsets you’ve gained as a mama! It’s always hard to go in a new direction but more so I think when your confidence has been shaken. I hope you refer back to this post to remind yourself how badass you are on the regular. 🙂 . XX
I certainly will, thank you again!! XX
such great content and much appreciated for an amazing article.
That is so adorable <3