ASK SARAH: tips for keeping your love life healthy?

hi sarah,

i come from a family of divorce and i worry a lot about my own marriage failing.  we’re newlyweds and things are great, but i think that’s the case for most newlyweds.  i’m wondering if you have any advice for us.  it seems like you and lou have a good thing going.  thanks!  – cassie  

hi cassie!  

thanks so much for writing.  i’m so sorry to hear you’re worrying about this but i think it’s normal for people who have experienced divorce through their parents to have mixed feelings about marriage.  years of therapy taught me this: you are not your parents.  repeat it to yourself every time you start to worry that you’ll end up turning into them!  your awareness of it already puts you ahead of the game.   {more after the jump}

we’re still kind of newlyweds ourselves and trying to learn as we go!  but here are my thoughts: for keeping a marriage healthy i think the most important thing to do is to make it a priority.  life gets busy and it’s easy to take your partner and your marriage for granted, especially as the years go by and you get more and more comfortable with each other.  but this can lead to a growing distance that i think in the long run could result in one or both of you falling out of love.  so make sure you spend that time to make your partner feel loved, to keep the romance going, and to make sure you’re both getting your needs met in the relationship. invest in your marriage the way you invest in your other relationships.  making it a priority is the first step towards making it last.

the other thing that i think can help is to stay far away from the comparison game.  looking at other people’s marriages and thinking that they have it better or that the grass might be greener somewhere else (with someone else) will keep you from appreciating what YOU have.  and as well all know, appearances can be deceiving.  you never know what goes on behind closed doors with married friends, so it’s best to just assume they have many of the same problems you do.  

what do you think friends?  do you have advice for how to keep your marriage strong for cassie (and me!)? would love to hear your thoughts!  xx- sarah

*photo by max wanger.  see more of our wedding here