We ALL Have Our Shit

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Happy Monday friends!  I hope you had a great weekend!   I took the full two days to myself- the first time since we moved here in January that I’ve had a proper two days off.  I needed it in a bad way.  So unfortunately I didn’t get the recipe posts up for today that I was hoping to- and it may take me a couple of days still.  I spent a few hours on the beach by myself Sunday, thinking about life- and that time to be alone with my thoughts has been so few and far between this year with all of the craziness surrounding selling/buying houses and moving and business and regular life stuff and four months of struggling with my health.  I needed it.  And I’m in the midst of working on what I like to think of as “my shit”.  I apologize for those of you who my language offends but I come from a family of pirates and I embrace it. {photo via and more after the jump}

So anyway, back to “my shit”.  It’s neither here nor there what my particular shit is, although I know that if I were to write about it- which I someday may- there would be dozens (hundreds? thousands?) of you who would come forward and say “THAT’S MY SHIT TOO!”  I believe it’s the real work of our life- taking that messy business I’m referring to- our shit- the culmination of all of our past pains, struggles, fucked-up patterns, parental shortcomings that caused irreparable damage, mistakes we’ve made or continue to make and dissecting the ever-loving bejeezels out of it.  At the end hopefully we are semi-healed.  Or at the very least able to say “I know what my shit is and I’m doing my motherfucking best to live with it in a way that’s healthy for me”.  Because sometimes that’s all you can ask of a person, of yourself.

I occasionally struggle with the idea that I don’t even deserve to have a “my shit” because of how really insanely blessed I am in so many ways.  I’ve created an adult life that is full of abundance- love and friends and family and a beautiful house over my head and all the food and water I need.  But in those moments I try to look at the big picture- the person who is lacking so many of those things may very well be doing the same work that I am- their shit may be different, that may not have the luxury of taking a few hours on the beach to process it, they may be so neck deep in it that the very idea of processing it is laughable but in one way or another they are working through it.

I don’t have the answers to why I get to work out my shit in such a creature comfort-full life and others do not.  And I sometimes wonder if maybe creating SUCH a creature comfort full life is actually PART of my shit.  These are the things I think about. This is the meat of life.  It’s what matters.  We’re here for a purpose- every single one of us- I never have, and doubt I ever will, believe anything different.  And sometimes that purpose is to dive deep into internal holes of pain and face it head on.  I beg of you- do that work.  It hurts, but it’s a path to growth, it’s THE path to becoming who you are meant to be.

Hang in there with me, if you will.  I’d like to share more of this, and perhaps on a deeper level, at some point down the road when I can get my head around how to write about it in a less abstract (and foul-mouthed) way.  In the meantime- be kind to yourselves.  Work on your shit, or figuring out what your shit is.  Work towards forgiving the people it’s your life’s work to forgive- those who has hurt you the most- and remember that forgiveness is a choice you make every single day- it’s not an overnight achievement- it’s the endgame.   You deserve this, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to grow into the best version of yourself, you deserve to figure out your shit and at least be able to recognize it for what it is, even if moving past it seems impossible.  So much love to all of you.  xx- Sarah

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Reader Comments

  1. hope|

    thanks for this lovely message that reminds me of where i should be right now. two months out from finding out about infidelity in my marriage (kicking off reflections about so many fucked up things in my life including parental shit, loss, personal patterns)…i’m just tired. and i needed to read it. hang in there and thank you for sharing. xo

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Oh, Hope. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Your name is the reminder- let it help carry you through this difficult time! My heart is with you. xx

      Reply
  2. MeaganS|

    Great post! The struggle is real- I feel ya. With 2 toddler boys, a career, a marriage that gets put on the back burner too much, and a house, I’m just trying to survive it all… let alone trying to tackle my shit.

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      I hear ya! Sometimes the life treadmill goes so fast there’s nothing to do but keep running and survive! Your toddlers will grow into boys, and then eventually men…and you’ll have time one day to reflect on all of it. Hang in there! xx

      Reply
  3. Cass|

    Thank you for being real. So many people live in their cropped lives and lead us to believe everything is perfect. I love that you show us the good, bad, amazing, and messy (errr shitty) parts of life.

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Oh thank you Cass, you have no idea how much time I spend thinking about just that. I’m always trying to walk the line of being inspiring but not aspirational. I don’t want anyone to see what I’m sharing and think it’s all there is (and that somehow they are missing something, as often can happen with the interwebs and social media these days). So to hear that my intentions are translating means everything to me. Thank you. xx

      Reply
  4. Dori|

    Posts like these are one of the main reasons I follow you. There are tons of lifestyle blogs, but your honesty and openness add something special to your blog and I truly appreciate it. I don’t think I’m alone when I say you are helping a lot of people by sharing your journey.

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Dori, I really appreciate it. I know there is so much noise out there, so to speak. Mine included! So it means a lot to me and really is the most fulfilling part of this whole shebang. These posts are the ones that are the most important to me, the part where I share who I AM. And so the fact that it resonates with you means so much to me, and the idea that I’m possibly helping people will keep me writing long after I would’ve hung up my hat! xx

      Reply
  5. Rhode Izaguirre|

    I loved today’s post. I enjoy them all, but I do enjoy the openness and intimacy. You are so right, we do ALL have our shit. We do all have our highs and lows in life and family life. But the highlights like the moment you described between you and Lou are what get us through. That was lovely, thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us.

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you Rhode! I think we’re all seeking a little connection online these days, myself most 100% included. Sharing some of these very intimate things is my way I suppose. Although I know it’s probably strange to some people it makes me feel connected, and readers like you who comment remind me to keep doing it. Thank you so much. xx

      Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you Heather, I’m so grateful I had a bit of time to do it! Wishing the same for you…xx

      Reply
  6. jess|

    this could not have come at a more perfect time. thank you for being vulnerable and foul-mouthed. both of these are beautiful and human. your words hit me right in my gut.

    xoxo.

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Oh Jess, thank you. I love that you thanked me for being “vulnerable and foul mouthed”, that hit ME right in the gut. Sometimes you see the best of yourself through other people’s eyes, and that was one of those moments for me. Thank you. xx

      Reply
  7. Chas|

    I definitely can relate with this post. I agree. Forgiving and letting go is the best thing to do as well as making sure to protect oneself from getting hurt again and again by those that continuously hurt them. With a forgiving heart, I’ve had to weed out those who are continuously hurtful and damaging. I respect them and love them as people, but it is not enough to carry on a relationship/friendship.

    A tender heart and a joyful spirit make a well balanced person in my opinion. Keep on shining Sarah 😉 -Chas

    Reply
  8. Amanda|

    This was beautiful. You made me laugh when you talked of your family of pirates and you made me think when you reminded me we all have shit. You made me ache and nod with what you said about forgiveness. Thank you and good luck with your shit, you’ve got this.

    Reply
  9. Lauren|

    This is just another reason why you are my favorite blogger. Preach. You never know what someone is going through and dealing with, no matter how blessed we are in this life we are all human with real shit to deal with and it’s all completely valid. I’ve been blogging about my struggles with loss of control, body image post baby etc etc, to hopefully help other new moms know that it’s okay to be dealing with all the emotional shit that comes from creating carrying and birthing a little spawn 😉 Any who, I’ve shared too much. You are awesome! Xoxoxo Lo

    Reply
  10. Heidi|

    Sarah, thank you for sharing this and know that your faithful readers are there with you. We definitely all have our shit and this is a good reminder to face it and not run from it.

    Reply
  11. Erika|

    Ahhh yes, the shit. I know it well! Like 7 years ago, when two months after marrying a wonderful man I’d be been with for four years, I was diagnosed with MS. Ain’t that some shit?? (I locked him in juuuuuust in time. Heh.) I have this thing I do sometimes when I start worrying about the future, where I take a deep breath and remind myself that it could always be worse. That no matter the circumstances, mine are manageable today, and I can worry about tomorrow when it’s necessary. It’s a lesson my beautiful cousin helped teach me. She lost her battle with cancer a few months ago, and left behind a loving husband and two amazing boys; It would have been her 42nd birthday tomorrow. After she was diagnosed, we would often laugh about the curves life had thrown our way. We’d come from a family who’d never really faced adversity, and then suddenly, here we both were. Together, we learned that things can happen in an instant to change the future forever and life is as dark as it is beautiful. What matters most is whether or not you allow yourself to lean into the experience – humbling as it may be. Honest posts like yours serve as a great reminder, and so to that I say, hell yea everyone has their shit! Here’s leaning the fuck in, sister. And dropping the f-bomb like it’s hot.

    Reply
  12. Jenna|

    Thank you for talking about this. We all have it. I recently had to face some difficulties in life, and the best part is that I grew so much from it, and there was so much love, forgiveness, and progress that came out of that struggle. Sometimes we need to shake things up and really take things head on to get better and truly be happy. It’s not easy but it’s so, so important and helpful. xo

    Reply
  13. Joyce|

    I love this. Such a universal truth, and you completely hit the nail on the head when it comes to the struggle of wondering if I even deserve to have “shit”… Thank you for this – and love and peace to you!

    Reply