CARLOS / MAY 22, 2014

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It’s been a week since Carlos, Lou’s father, moved from Florida to live with us here in Palm Springs.  As I shared here, he was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, cancer that has spread throughout his body like a fire.  I’ve decided to share bits of this journey we’re on with him here after the response on the last post was so incredible- the way you all opened your hearts to us and shared your stories, it was just so beautiful. And Carlos read through all of the comments.  It’s given him a sense of purpose in these last days, to know that I am sharing his story and that positive thoughts and love are spreading because of it.  He has such a huge appreciation for what Lou and I do, he loves these photos we’ve taken so much and sees our work as part of his legacy.  I don’t think we could ask for much more.

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Here’s the first thing I’ve learned in this process:  caring for Carlos has been, I imagine, similar to the experience of bringing home a newborn.  All of a sudden life seems so much more fragile, we’re consumed with worry, all of our priorities have taken a wild shift to revolve almost exclusively around his comfort and happiness, our hearts have expanded by tenfolds to accommodate this change.  I feel like my heart now lives outside my body, on this man whose balance is so fragile, whose happiness and well-being rest in our hands.

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We’re getting up throughout the night, so we have the tired weariness of new parents and when I look at Lou I see the exhaustion that I feel. I’m also overwhelmed with love.  Watching him care for his father, watching him give him everything he has, it’s one of the most extraordinary things I’ve been lucky enough to witness.  And my heart is full for Carlos, a man who is so sweet and full of beauty himself. {more after the jump}

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Our house is filled with new things that come with this new responsibility, this new gift- a shower seat, a walker, a wheelchair.  I can’t help but draw a parallel to the homes of new parents, filled with things to make life with a baby possible- a stroller, a crib, a bouncy seat.  These things that come with a new life, they represent so much. It’s the same with the things that come with the end of a life.  The haunting beauty of these tools for the dying placed throughout our home, against the contrast of our things- so full of life and happiness- they remind me of what’s happening in the moments when my mind wanders to other things.

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Carlos has taken an amazing turn in our care, the agitation and upset that made life difficult for him in Florida has dissipated.  I can tell that he feels so comforted by our doting, that he trusts us completely to walk with him through this final time, to make it the best it can be.  It’s a gift to us, the ability to be able to express our love in such a powerful and beautiful way, to care for him during this time.  It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done, this undertaking of the end of his life, but it’s a gift to be able to do it.

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I’m not sure why I don’t know much about what will happen to Carlos, to us, during this time.  I think the way it’s represented in movies and stories is always heartbreakingly sad.  And of course, there is sadness.  But for us there is also such an incredible abundance of love, there are magical moments where Carlos is laughing that I want to freeze and remember for all time, there is so much beauty to be seen.  It’s a story that I think doesn’t get told enough, and I’m hoping that this site will be the place to share it, that you will all want to walk through this with us.  I’m hoping it inspires love and compassion, that it has the power to open hearts the way it has ours. Thank you.  I love you.  xx- Sarah  {Lou and I are sharing more of our photos from this time here and here}

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Reader Comments

  1. Jennifer|

    Beautifully written Sarah! How lucky you all are to have this precious time together and that you’re living in the moment and appreciating everything it has to offer. I can feel the love coming through my screen! My whole heart goes out to the three of you! xo

    Reply
    • Jennifer|

      And if I may add, I can only hope that when my time comes I am surrounded by as much love as Carlos is. Such a beautiful goodbye…

      Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Jennifer! We are so grateful. And I’ve had that thought many times- this is the perfect way to end a life, if you have to have cancer. He’s so happy, at peace and full of love. xx

      Reply
  2. natalye|

    This is so sad, but what a beautiful way to celebrate Carlos’ life and honor him. It is so kind of you and Lou to do this, not out of obligation, but out of love, and I hope that the rest of Carlos’ days are constantly filled with that knowledge that he is loved. Thinking of you all…

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Natalye, it means so much to us! I know we’ll read these comments many times and feel so comforted by them each and every time we do. xx

      Reply
  3. Claire T|

    Such a beautiful post, Sarah. The images you and Lou are capturing really portray all of the emotions you’re describing – and I’m sure they will be wonderful keepsakes. The way you both live your lives with such compassion and thoughtful energy is inspiring and contagious and I’m sure Carlos is grateful for that. Thank you for sharing this intimate journey. Peace and much love to all of you!

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you Claire. Carlos is so grateful that we’re sharing, his face lights up when we talk with him about it. Thank you so much for all the kinds words and thoughts. xx <3

      Reply
  4. maggie|

    Awe, This is written beautifully Sarah, you are so right about the parallel of the newborn and I am always stricken by how life is full circle with the fragility & tenderness at the beginning of life and at the end.. Carlos is so lucky to have you two and you are lucky to have him. As strong as you are, you two are only going to grow stronger through this. oxo

    Reply
  5. Trini Leon|

    Sarah & Lou,
    As I sit here in my studio with boxes full and empty shelves excited about my new adventure, your story made me stop for a moment and call my parents. I moved away two years ago and every time I go back to visit I see my father more fragile with age. Every time I leave I think about how little time left I have with them. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me to call home and tell my parents how much a deeply love them and miss them. My heart aches for Lou and you, but at the same time it’s full of joy to see that you two are caring for him in such a meaningful way. I don’t know Carlos, but I wish him love and peace on this journey. – xx

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you Trini! I’m so happy it served as a reminder for you and will help you appreciate the time you have with them even more. It’s so precious. Thank you for the kind words! xx

      Reply
  6. Madeline [madelinemade]|

    he looks so happy to be there with you. this is heartbreaking, but so happy you are sharing.
    it is so refreshing to see sacrifice, unselfishness, and reality.
    carlos, we are all wishing you happiness and praying for you!

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Madeline, I’m so happy we can share this incredible time with you all. Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers. xx

      Reply
  7. Jacqui|

    Beautiful post. This is so heart warming to see. Your captured moments will be treasures for a life time.
    xoxo

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Jacqui! I know t his post, these comments, these photos will be such an incredible memory for us. Thank you for the kind words. xx

      Reply
  8. Joyce|

    Sarah, this post is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read, and the images are just incredible. Thank you to you, Lou, and Carlos for sharing this incredibly difficult and intimate time in your family’s life with all of us, and being so candid with your what is on your mind and in your heart right now. Cancer is such a horrible, awful thing that far too many people have experienced firsthand. In my family of four, three have been diagnosed – my dad just last month, myself two years ago, and my mom, whom we lost 10 years ago. But the fact that you’ve made the decision to so openly share this journey with the hope of spreading love and compassion is just incredible – so selfless, so beautiful, and so inspiring. What a beautiful example of love for the world. Wishing all of you peace and comfort. So much love to you!

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Oh Joyce, Thank you so much! I am so so sorry to read about your family and your own experiences with cancer. I will keep your father in my prayers. There are things in life that I will never understand, and that amount of suffering is one of them. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that. Sending you so much love right back. xx

      Reply
  9. yp|

    This was a beautiful post, and all my blessings to you and your family during this difficult time.
    This really put a smile on my face that people do still have the heart and mind to step back from material things and celebrate life, in all its ups and downs and beauty.

    Reply
  10. Hanna @ Gold Polka Dots|

    Such a beautiful and powerful post. It was beautifully written and your pictures are so moving. You can feel the love, warmth and peace through them. Carlos looks so peaceful, which is because of everything you and Lou are doing for him. Wishing Carlos strength and joy…

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you Hannah! We’re so grateful to have your support. Carlos really is peaceful and happy and ready to move on to his next experiences full of love and joy. Thank you for your wishes. <3

      Reply
  11. alysha|

    okay, i’m crying. ya’ll are just too amazing.
    carlos is so lucky to have you and you are even more lucky to have him.
    we are thinking about ya’ll & sending all our love and prayer from texas,
    alysha, matt & p

    Reply
  12. Liz B. @ Umami Life|

    These are such beautiful pictures; I can see a man who is struggling, but the love he’s surrounded by comes through loud and clear. I hope you’re having time to re-live old memories/re-tell old stories, and build some new ones. Wishing you all the best!

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Liz! I’m so happy that the photos are able to show the love we all have. xx

      Reply
  13. marlene|

    Sarah, Lou and Carlos,

    I’ve been so swamped in work I am only just now catching up with the meat of this blog and the incredible and incredibly sad things that are going on. It’s beautiful that you’re sharing this here and I’m so sorry for this struggle for all of you. I know what you mean by realizing just how fragile life is. It’s interesting to me how stylized your house is — how picture perfect and artistic and minimalist it is in many ways — now with the walker and toilet seats. No, they’re not aesthetic, but they’re REAL. They’re HUMAN. It’s kind of nice to see them there in a way, because it lends an authenticity to the whole place…and although there is nothing wonderful about a process like this one, there is beauty in the process. You’re reaching a place of enlightenment…getting so close to what’s important in life, what your life has been made of, what life is made of, what you are capable of feeling and thinking — it’s very powerful and, again, reminds you that you’re human. And that’s a good feeling.

    I’m a surgeon and I’ve cared for many patients with cancer and pancreatic cancer. I know what it does, how rapid it is and what this all means. I can tell you I’ve seen people fight with anger and denial in the hospital, without the insight of loved ones to take them into this kind of a home-based situation. That scenario is the most tragic. I send you all my dearest wishes and hope for meaningful and peaceful time together. You’re approaching it all the right way. Hospice is so much better at home, in beautiful surroundings, with the people who love you the most. I’ll be praying for you!

    Reply
  14. Max|

    sarah, lou, this is beautiful. carlos, you are in the best hands possible, two amazing souls with the purest hearts. we send our love, our best wishes and the most beautiful, warm, peaceful light your way. we love all of you.

    Reply
  15. Elena|

    Sarah I have been reading your blog for a little over a year now, and I have so much respect for the kind of people both you and Lou are. The world is filled with so much negativity and sadness and destruction, it’s always amazing to see young people strive to make this world a better place. thank you you for sharing with us these troubling times you are all going through. It won’t be an easy task, and some days will be more trying than others. But it is an amazing act of kindness and generosity on your part. He is lucky to have a son and daughter-in-law so devoted to doing not what’s easiest, but best for him right now.
    You truly amaze me. To put your lives on a semi-hold for this man, to have him know that he is loved and cared for-what an inspiration! I’m wishing all three of you strength and joy for as long as you will need it, and may all good things come your way. Some day you will reap these selfless acts of love in ways you can’t even imagine. xoxo elena

    Reply
  16. jacqueline|

    such beautiful words and amazing way of taking on a trying time in life. you guys are wonderful! sending lots of love. xx

    Reply
  17. Marie|

    My uncle passed away from pancreatic cancer over a decade ago – before his 50th birthday. Before that, my grandfather’s mother, cousin, and sister also passed away from pancreatic cancer. My family has seen (many times over) what it means to care for someone with this disease (disease? condition? I’m not sure what term feels appropriate), especially since my uncle spent his last months at home. There was of course much sadness, but there I hope that your family continues to find comfort in spending this time together in your home. When my uncle was sick, there were very few moments that were not consumed by his family’s fear and sadness; I am so happy to hear there are still glimmers of normalcy and joy for you all.

    Carlos, I wish you beautiful days ahead however many they may be.

    Reply
  18. holly|

    this is so moving. i welled up at the end of the post. while i obviously do not know carlos, i feel so happy that he has you and lou.

    Reply
  19. Judy|

    Thank you and your family for sharing this beautifully touching story with us, Sarah. My family is going through a similar experience with my grandparents. It’s an incredibly real eye-opening life experience worth every minute blessed by their presence. Wishing him many sunny days ahead.

    Reply
  20. Brandy CK|

    These are some beautiful photographs! I’m so sorry about Lou’s father and I’m glad he gets to spend his last days with you guys! Stay strong and be thankful for the time you do have : ]

    Reply
  21. Erin | Holtwood Hipster|

    Sarah, this is a beautiful post, full of love, full of presence and perspective. I look back on our own, similar journey and am struck by a stark contrast and I think I’ve come to understand now two years later what probably made all the difference – our inability to embrace what was happening, to not get stuck and be frozen by fear and anger that it was in fact happening, as much as we didn’t want to believe it was. I think that made the experience more tumultuous for all and most certainly for my father in law. That’s not to assume you all aren’t gripped by these similar moments. It can all be so very surreal. But I see what it could have been – mostly for him. There is such grace and beauty in the way the three of you are sharing in this time together. I’m learning and hope that should I ever be in the position again, that I can approach it with the same grace and fortitude as you’ve shown here.

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  22. Thankfifi|

    Beautiful sentiments – Carlos just looks so serene and peaceful (Hi Carlos!) – the only thing that matters is that you all have one another.x

    Thankfifi

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  23. maree|

    Your beautiful post brought tears to my eyes. Carlos is lucky to have you two and what you are doing is an inspiration for the rest of us.

    Reply
  24. Gigi|

    This is so beautiful, what you are doing and sharing. Death is part of life, as much as we want to deny it, and your uncle is so fortunate to have his son and you, and a beautiful environment of love. You’re all an inspiration!

    Reply
  25. Nadya|

    Sarah, this brought me to tears. You are so lucky to have each other. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Love and peace to all of you.

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  26. Stephanie|

    This is so wonderfully articulated it brought tears to my eyes. I recently lost my grandfather after a 9 month battle with cancer. He was able to spend his final months at home with our family taking care of him 24/7. Even though there was sadness it was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. I will treasure those moments forever and I look back on it now with a sort of bittersweet happiness. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Lou, and Carlos. The love you have for each other is truly felt through reading your blog and looking at these beautiful pictures. So glad you are all able to treasure these moments.

    Reply
  27. Bonnie|

    This was an absolutely heartbreaking-ly beautiful post to read. These photos speak for the sick and aging in a way that I simply have not seen before. Thank you and thank Carlos for sharing this very personal experience with us all.

    Reply
  28. pansy|

    As a nursing student this was so powerful and wonderful to read. So often, people see caring for a loved one as a burden–sometimes rightfully so financially, forgoing the privacy of one’s own home, health aides constantly in and out, the restructuring of your emotions as you so eloquently put it. One of my professors once talked about the privilege of caring for people in their final days, and doing their post mortem care, and I felt the same joy and respect from you. Good luck with your father-in-law. You are clearly providing him with wonderful care at the end of his life. xoxo

    Reply
  29. Chas|

    Life is precious and the one(s) that are living it is even more precious. From your heart felt post, I see so much beauty in Carlos, you and Lou. Cherish this time and celebrate your love for each other <3 Continue to document photographically, visionally, and emotionally. You all are in our thoughts and prayers. -Chas

    Reply
  30. Walter|

    What a lovely post. The light surrounding Carlos reminds us of the glow around you and Lou the day you were married. Much love to you from Kiko and I (and Charley, of course). We’ve moved to new digs and think of you often and we send our very best wishes to Carlos for this and many journeys to come.

    Reply
  31. Caitlin|

    thank you so much for sharing this experience with us, sarah. my heart goes out to you, lou, and carlos during this time and appreciate your words. i look forward to following along this journey with you.

    Reply
  32. Vanessa|

    His body may be sick but his spirit looks strong, healthy and content to me from these photos. Such a character shines through these pics! May you and Lou spoil Carlos with love, honesty and kindness every day. Carlos you are amazing.

    Reply
  33. Dianne Rosario|

    Sarah, my thoughts and prayers are with you, Lou and of course, his father Carlos. I went through a very similar journey over the past few months with my own father. The moments I spent with him in his final days still comfort me still these 5 weeks later. I am sending you all the best. These moments are difficult for everyone but it sounds like you are savoring every moment with Lou’s father and celebrating his life. What a beautiful gift for all of you that he can be with you both during this time.

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  34. Angela|

    Sarah and Lou,
    Lifting you all up in my thoughts and sending love and light your way!
    It’s deeply moving to see that you both are taking this difficult time and shining such beautiful light on a wonderful life. I don’t know Lou’s dad, but given the love and care with which you speak about him its clear that you are ALL so very fortunate to have one another. These moments spent together are most certainly irreplaceable. Thank you for reminding us that each day is such a special gift!
    You are a beautiful writer Sarah, and your tender words and beautiful photos speak volumes to us (whether friends or strangers)! Much peace and love to you all!

    Reply
  35. Rebecca|

    Wonderful post Sarah. All three of you are showing tremendous bravery and in the face of so much uncertainty you managed to capture moments that put a big smile on my face too; it’s just radiating off the computer. It’s so wonderful that he could be with you two. There’s no place like home 🙂 Thinking of you all. xo.

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  36. Anne|

    Your post is beautiful, Sarah. Thanks for sharing this very personal story with us. Sending love and hugs to Carlos from Minnesota!

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  37. dishing up the dirt|

    Beautiful. What a gift for you all to be able to walk through these final days together. This post filled me with so much emotion. Sending love from Oregon to all of you. XO

    Reply
  38. Tarah|

    What keeps me coming back to your blog is your willingness to be authentic. It is so rare to see such an intimate portrayal of family and the balance between life and death on a site like this. I just appreciate the life that you and your husband breathe into the internet everyday. The blog world is fun however it can tend to make life look a little too easy at times. Thank you for sharing your journey and thank you for continuing to put such genuine positivity into the world.

    Reply
  39. Angela|

    Just look at that smile in the first photograph. That is a man who loves, and is loved right back. This post is a testament to the man he is and how much you care for him. Even in a dark time, you, Lou, and Carlos radiate light and love. These photographs remind me of the quote, “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” Peace, prayers, and comfort to you all.

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  40. Ramie|

    I can feel your love with every word you have written here. The strength from you, your husband, and Carlos is beautiful. I wish you nothing but the best time together. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  41. Joanna|

    I rarely ever comment but wanted you, Lou and Carlos to know that I am sending thoughts of peace and comfort your way.

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  42. thefolia|

    What a beautifully written piece…I have chills. Carlos looks like an amazing person and how wonderful everyone even the dogs in your nest are to fill every second of his time with so much love. Happy Nesting.

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  43. jamie|

    What beautiful words. It’s a gift to us readers for you to share this journey – a gift of appreciation and comfort and inspiration. I hope that if I am called upon to help a loved one in this way that I will have the grace and generosity to follow your and lou’s example. wishing the three of you the best that time has to offer. xo

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  44. Rachel O|

    You are doing amazing work. I have worked in hospice for years and I hope you have reached out and found a hospice service in your area to come in and provide additional support. You can do so much but it is also helpful to have people who do this everyday come in and provide support and education.
    Bless you.

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  45. Kerrie|

    Wow…your pictures are just amazing. They are serene and sad, but at the same time so full of love. The one of Carlos in bed is amazing. I’m so happy you all have this time together. xoxo

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  46. Julie|

    Sarah, you are one of the most difficult, most precious journeys that will affect the rest of your life.

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  47. Meg|

    The love that fills this post, has filled my heart and I imagine has filled many more. What an amazing adventure the three of you are on! Warmth, positivity and laughter is being sent your way xx

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  48. Ari|

    This brought tears to my eyes… Thanks for sharing. It is so amazing to see your positive and inspiring view on such a tough life event. My prayers are with you all.

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  49. ann|

    This post really touches me, so deeply. I took care of my Mom while she was dying from cancer when I was 19-21 years old, she was only 42 when she got sick. She died of liver cancer; similar to pancreatic cancer in some of the ways it manifests in the body and in what it does to the body. I won’t lie, it’s not an easy journey and some of the memories can be / will be excruciating. However, it’s a journey worth taking and worth loving. You won’t regret a single solitary moment. Rather, each moment is that much more poignant, important, tangible, fragile. Accompanying someone during the end of their life always reminds me of the title of the book by Milan Kundera called “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”…I don’t think I have to explain that much.

    Bless your big hearts for loving dear Carlos through this part of his life, it takes special people to be willing to take this journey, believe me. Not everyone is willing to go through it, sadly.

    All my best to Carlos- I”m sending him love, courage, laughter, and peace! xoxox – Ann

    Reply
    • Sarah Yates|

      Thank you so much Ann. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. So tragic that you and she were both so young, I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you. I’m sure it’s shaped your life in so many ways. Thank you for the sweet note and kind words, they mean so much to us. xx

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  50. megan|

    Aw Sarah. (and Lou), i saw a post on Lou’s instagram of his adorable father and came to check out your blog, which i hadn’t had a chance to read in forever, to see what was going on. i just backtracked through posts all the way back to your grandmother and tears and laughter of recognition came flooding over me. So I just had to comment and cheer you all on with support and virtual hugs. I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s, and totally agree with you that there is a most certain gift in a delayed passing like that, where you have some weeks or months or years to spend with your loved one, to be witness to and present in the FULL cycle of life. My father, for example, I lost suddenly. And while I am grateful that he did not suffer, I mourn that I did not get to properly say goodbye, to have the precious moments like I remember with my grandmother. Death brings its own beauty if we can open to it. But it requires an openness, and I am so glad you are sharing Carlos’ story. I just look at him and want to give him a hug! He is so sweet and adorable and I am so glad that he has taken comfort in being with you and Lou and that you both are able to do that for him — for yourselves! It will be the best thing for Lou, especially, after his Dad has passed. It is the moments you are sowing now that will add to the fullness and richness of life, that will help him and you to feel that the circle of life was completed as fully and as richly as it could and should be. Thank you for sharing this journey. Truly, life’s most beautifully tender moments are in the cracks, underneath the dust bunnies; they’re in the contrast of seeing Carolo’s prescriptions and walker parked against your bright, shiny modern decor. Much love to all three of you. Go Carlos! You are an inspiration and we are rooting for you and sending you SO MUCH LOVE!!!

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  51. Stephanie|

    This post is beyond beautiful. Sarah, you have such a warm heart. You are so blessed in the way you look at things with such beauty and gratitude. I am so glad to see you and Lou taking care of his father with such love and care(fulness). I’m sure he’s beyond thanks. Please tell him that I love his necklace with the cross and prayer beads! Those small gems speak powerfully about having faith in very difficult times. And thank you, Carlos, for having faith.
    With love & prayers-

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  52. Steph|

    What an amazing heartfelt post! You can really get a sense of him in these photos, he looks like a really sweet guy! He is so lucky to have you in his life, like two angles! Much love and peace to you all!

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  53. Kirstie|

    Thank you for sharing such a personal moving story. It has moved me to tears. I have never heard of caring for someone in the ways you have described it, like caring for a newborn. It is such a beautiful way to see it and express it. Your home is so full of light and is the perfect calming space for someone to be cared for. Your words are so touching and so filled with love. It is both heartbreaking and heartwarming to read. Thank you for sharing.

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  54. tunie|

    Goodness, he looks so healthy! Has he considered Gerson therapy? The last five years I’ve been living mostly on raw liquids, smoothies, etc with giant salads at night and have never felt better, but it’s true, but stage 4 cancer is serious, no doubt. That said, how moving to acknowledge such a sacred time with such grace and open-heartedness! Blessings to you all!

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  55. Viktor|

    Sarah, Lou & Carlos, Truly amazing family. Wonderful, beautiful and very heart felt in your writing and the images so such love and compassion. Much love to all of you. Hugs! V

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  56. Carlos Mora Terreros|

    Carlos: te recordamos con cariño y todos los dias oramos por ti.Un abrazo y saludes de Marcela.

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  57. Tori / My Om Life|

    Sarah, this post is pure beauty. It touches me so deeply to know that Carlos is happier in the care of you and Lou and can spend his last days soaking in all of the love and beauty you two have provided for him. All too often I hear horrible stories of people living the last days of their life in stress and turmoil due to unhealthy family dynamics. But it sounds like there is a sense of magic happening in your home at the moment:) Keep sharing these wonderfully real posts–you’re right, there is an abundance of love and compassion that I drew from this story. Although it is heartbreaking, death can be such a beautiful thing. So I thank you for sharing that beauty.

    Much love to you, Lou and of course the wonderful Carlos,
    Tori

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  58. Cate|

    The photos and words in this post are so compelling and heartfelt. Thank you for taking us along on this personal journey and chronicling these beautiful moments. I often feel sort of caught off guard by death; I’m loving your perspective here–the comparison between life beginning and ending–and taking time to appreciate this time you all have together. Thanks to all three of you for being brave enough to share your story. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

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  59. Gaby|

    This post is so beautifully written that I swear it brought tears to my eyes, he’s so lucky to have both of you to take care of him and be with him, you have a big heart Sarah, and it comes through your loving words from this experience. Not so many people get to spend their last days in such a loving environment, surrounded by family, and I’m sure he appreciates that and fills his heart.

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  60. Jamy|

    Beautiful, breathtaking, fearless love. You are sharing it so well, thank you Sarah. I have traveled down this path with my own parents and it is exactly how you describe it to be. The abundance of love is profound. On both ends, in his eyes. The most wonderful thing is that while Carlos life may end on this earth, his journey has only just begun, and you three are so very fortunate to have the time you have now with each other. Leading him in comfort to a place he is destined for. xo.

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  61. Ana|

    Thank you for sharing Carlo´s story with us. It´s difficult to publish this kind of things on the internet, for everyone to see but the way you´ve written it is amazing. It is not a story of a sick person but of someone you love dearly and it celebrates his life.
    Lots of love for the three of you!

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  62. Leslee|

    This is so beautifully written, Sarah. The abundance of love that Carlos must be feeling is a wonderful thing! And more than beautifully written, it is a wonderful thing that you and Lou are doing for your father in law. He definitely looks happy and at peace in the photos you have posted.

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  63. Gloria|

    Life takes us in turns that we don’t always see coming. My husband & I have moved my parents in to live with us. I figure that I can either choose to hold on to the past and mourn the loss of who they used to be or I can give thanks for the ability to care for them in our home. I’m choosing to be grateful for this time – they’ve taught me well…and we want to give back some of that love. Stay strong…enjoy the quiet times…these times may sometimes be trying…but we know it won’t be like this for very long. To give love and peace to others is an incredible gift.

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  64. phyllis nobles|

    i’ve just discovered your blog via apartment 34 & this beautiful story made me cry with a kind of sad happiness. i love the family love here and also the way you shot with such light and hope and beauty the equipment of illness that we dread and fear most, as if to say there’s room in my life and home for whatever my family experiences – i am celebrating with love & prayers for carlos and you and your husband x

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  65. Keely|

    You & Lou are such amazing people. This post is so beautiful and well spoken, from the words themselves to how you are able to express a feeling. The positivity and enlightenment radiates and I want to thank you for sharing :). I send positive vibes and warm wishes your way. Have a great day Sarah 🙂

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  66. Katy|

    Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with the rest of the world. Your story is so moving and in your photos Carlos is bathed in love and light and peace. You are all so lucky to have each other.

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  67. Chelcey|

    This is such an incredibly heartfelt post. I just started following your blog after finding you on Bloglovin, and I look forward to sharing the journey of this time with you. Thank you for sharing!

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  68. Walter|

    hello, carlos,
    i’m a friend of your son and daughter-in-law
    and now i’m a friend of yours. you have a wonderful,
    loving son and how lucky you are to have sarah as
    a daughter-in-law. much love to you,
    walter

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  69. emily|

    Sarah and Lou and Carlos- Oh my I just saw these posts for the first time. I had no idea. What beautiful words and images and openness about such a hard time for you all. But good too, as you describe, that you are all together in this time and daily capturing it and thinking through it with so much love. It really is a deep service to your whole community and your minds as well. Sending my love to you all. emily

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  70. Alyssa|

    Sarah, you have such a beautiful heart to take on this “undertaking of the end of his life”. Its something that I am not sure I would be strong enough for, yet you make it so graceful and filled with love. How special that you and your husband can be such a strength for Carlos in his final days. It is truly beautiful to see such compassion and kindness flow from your well lit home!

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  71. natalie|

    Written and captured so beautifully, I can feel so much love, compassion and warmth in your words. You have shined light on the both the first moments of life and also the last, a reminder that Life is a Blessing. May you all continue to be blessed. Sending you lots of Love, blessings and prayers from the Uk X

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  72. Sharon|

    I was reading your post about your father-in-law, first – I am so sorry for what you are going through. I completely and totally get it, my cousin was diagnosed nearly 2 years and 11 months ago with pancreatic cancer as well. He did amazingly well for a long time, but I think even though we were all hoping for a miracle, we knew that all he was doing was buying time. He is only 45 years old, turning 46 next month and will most likely not see 47. He is a kind and compassionate person – a son, brother, cousin, husband and father. The worst part is no one has told our grandmother who will be 103 in July. No one wants to break her heart by telling her that one of her four grandchildren will probably die before she does. He has been strong through this all and so incredibly brave. He said that he has lived a good life, a happy one – he loves his wife and his two girls. but he has only lived what should be half of his life.

    Your words about your father mirror what we feel – it is heartbreaking to watch someone you love in pain. I can feel the love you feel and the pain you feel as well in your words. I’m sure that Carlos gets much peace and comfort in being with you and Lou. I hope that he does not have much pain and I’m sure that being there is making the end easier for him to be surrounded by two people who love him very much.

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  73. Dulci|

    I so admire your courage and resolve during this amazingly difficult and painful time. Your photos are inspiring and heartbreaking. For Carlos, I wish peace and courage to face each day. For you and your husband, I wish resiliency and above all, LOVE. Keep fighting the good fight, girl.

    xo-dulci

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  74. Jordana|

    Sarah, this is so beautiful. You and Lou are amazingly kind and loving. I suspected it when we met in Savannah. But this just affirms what I already thought. xo

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  75. Marcela Mora|

    Sarah and Lou, I hope God give you the peace in this moments, sorry for your loss.

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  76. Alyssa|

    Dear Sarah, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. This is beautifully written and is very humbling so thank you for sharing. It is times like this that remind us what is really important in life. You and Lou are making the best out of a difficult time. I can feel the love in your words and see it in these photos. Despite the awful situation, Carlos looks truly happy and at peace. I commend the three of you for your strength, positive attitudes, and ability to come together (both physically and spiritually). I hope that if my husband and I are ever faced with a similar situation we can follow your and Lou’s lead. In the end all that matters is family and love, it’s evident that Carlos is surrounded by both. Stay strong and may Carlos know that he is an inspiration to us all. Xo.

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  77. Joanie Scott|

    Dear Lou and Sarah…Your pictures and wonderful words and thoughts are surely a comfort to all who have had the pleasure of having knowing Carlos. We are sorry for his loss, and wish you all that the special memories help you through this time of loss. Your pictures are lovely, and Carlos must have truly appreciated all that you did for him. I guess his being with you there was also a gift…to be able to say what you wanted to say before he passed away, and to have helped him let go surrounded with love and care. You are in our thoughts and prayers at this time.

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  78. Clayton Foster|

    Sarah and Lou, my wife and I are so sorry for your loss. I am Anne’s father and I would hope someday to meet the both of you. This brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart. How lucky was Carlo to have such love. Wish I knew him. Life is way better than the movies. Real trumps everything. Sarah, you have a great dad!

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  79. D|

    I’ve never felt more compelled to comment on a post than at this moment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing these beautiful images and words. My mom was recently diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer and I find myself fearing for the future, at a time when I know I need to be hopeful. Your post has brought hope to the overwhelming feeling of devastation I’ve felt the last few days. Your love and compassion is beyond inspiring. Thank you for showing me the light, even when things could be so dark.

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  80. Lydia|

    Hi, Sarah. I’ve been following your blog for awhile and enjoying the beautiful photos and posts you’ve shared here, but never thought leaving a comment maybe because I’m a bit shy(?) 🙂 But today somehow my heart was moved to leave a comment after reading this post. I’ll be praying for Carlos and your family! especially for strength and peace & joy in heart. Thank you for sharing your precious story!

    w/ love,
    Lydia.

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  81. Claudia Coffman|

    Loved this — what a beautiful tribute. It’s so hard to lose a loved one, but I think most difficult and painful when it’s a parent, especially when they have a terminal illness. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  82. Kristin Nicole|

    It’s a sad yet memorable journey you have had to embark on your life. I just read that Carlos just recently passed away and I am so sorry. I can only imagine that you and your husband made the last days of his life that much more special. My heart goes out to you and your family. Although not easy and never forgotten, I promise it will get easier. RIP Carlos. xo

    Reply