Motherhood: Riding the Waves and Trusting What Is

Hi friends!  Thanks so much for sharing your own experiences and lifting me up in mine on this post from a couple of weeks ago!  One of the best pieces of advice I received when Teo was a newborn was to “ride the waves”.  This was general life advice when it was given to me, but I clung to it like a life raft this past year and a half with Teo.  So I’ll share it here and hope that it helps one of you.  There are times in parenting (and in life in general) that you’re pushed to the very brink- physically, mentally, emotionally.  When your babe is teething and not sleeping and you are fighting with your partner and the pressures of life are looming it can feel like nothing will EVER be ok again, right?  Exhaustion couples with frustration and worry and a host of other emotions pile on top.  It can be suffocating.  It’s like a wave that knocks you down.  You’ll make it up for air eventually, but the time underwater feels like it will never end.  Hopefully you land on the other side of the wave soon, and have a ride on the topside that is fun and thrilling and magical!  But either way, whichever side of the wave you’re on your only real choice is to ride it out.  This idea that the good and the bad all comes and goes brings a sort of ease into life I think.

My mantra in motherhood has become EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.  That means that the really sweet spots– I soak them up and savor them like the first ice cream of Summer because I know, I know they’re fleeting and will be replaced soon.  And the really difficult spots, the ones that test me and push me, I try to do the same.  I actually find myself, and I know this sounds counterintuitive, but I find myself cultivating gratitude for them.  I try to take the perspective that those tough times are serving me, teaching me, helping me – and I make a conscious effort to feel grateful for them.  It doesn’t make the challenge of whatever it is that’s happening go away, but it takes away the resistance to it, and it brings me to a place of acceptance and peace.  I don’t always remember to do this but when I do, I find myself much happier, more peaceful, and better able to be the person I want to be.

I think as a culture we have created this sort of belief system that everything is supposed to be OK, which makes us feel even more alone when we’re struggling.  This idea that life should be easy and carefree is insane because it’s TOTALLY NOT. Things are supposed to be difficult, life is supposed to knock us down and things are meant to fall apart.  How do I know this?  Because they do, and so it stands to reason that they must.   And not for nothing!  These moments, these struggles- these are where the gifts lie.  These are the times in which we can grow and stretch ourselves and come out the other side stronger, wiser, better.  These tough times hold valuable lessons for us, if we’re open to receiving them.  These are opportunities for us to rediscover our strength, to practice being present, to come back to ourselves and our purpose here.

Which brings me to the other thing that has been resonating with me lately: the idea of trusting in my life’s path.  I like to think I’m driving the ship of my life and this idea is fueled further by some control freak tendencies.  I think this is one of the things I struggle with the most- trusting that what is happening is exactly what’s meant to be happening.  Again, when I fall into this (and for me it’s a daily practice of revisiting this idea throughout the day and really feeling that trust), I’m more at ease in the world.  I struggle less, I’m happier, less fearful, less controlling and I’m generally more at peace.  Unfortunately just saying that I trust isn’t enough- I have to legitimately get into a headspace where I can truly TRULY believe.  And that takes work sometimes when life anxiety is mounting.  But it’s valuable work and I’m better when I do it.

So, I guess in the end this post is a long-winded reminder to myself to trust what is, surrender to the waves and soak up every fleeting moment.  I hope these rambling thoughts of mine land somewhere helpful.  More soon!  xx- Sarah . {My dress, Teo’s romper, my shoes (similar), Teo’s shoes}

PS- Lou and I took these family photos the other morning but I want to be really clear about something- 1.) it took me nearly a year and a half to feel like myself after Teo was born, to fit into my old clothes, to look at myself in the mirror and recognize the woman looking back.  So if you’re a mama struggling I want you to know I see you, just as you are, and you’re beautiful.  Please be kind to yourself and know how very not alone you are.   2.) This is NOT what our life looks like on the regular.  I’m not perfectly manicured chasing a delightfully styled smiling toddler.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  Half the time he’s dressed in some onesie we cut the sleeves off and is stained from a dozen toddler meals and I’m in cutoff shorts and some shirt that I don’t care will be ruined by the end of the day.  I really struggled in the beginning of motherhood seeing gorgeous happy families who I perceived to be doing so much better at life than we were.  It’s a highlight reel.  It’s not reality.  I had trouble remembering that so I want to shout it from the rooftops in case I ever make any other mother feel the way I used to.  That is all….