Hi my friends! Wow, it’s been awhile. I’m not going to lie, I feel like a circus monkey trying to juggle this new baby life with regular life, let alone work-life. HOW DO YOU MOMS DO IT?! Mateo just hit the 5 month mark, and I’ve been meaning to post monthly updates since the get-go but it just hasn’t happened. But right now he’s hanging with his papa, I have a couple squares of dark chocolate and a cup of tea and I’m gonna type fast and furious until he needs his mama again!
Ok, where to start?! Life with baby boy- what a ride! He’s delicious, really- exceptionally delicious! He’s reaching the typical milestones, rolling over, cooing, playing wth toys, eating solid foods (ish), giggling. He is sweet, mellow, happy, and healthy- truly a joy. It is the very BEST thing in the world watching him grow and being his mama! I couldn’t ask for more.
EXCEPT SLEEP. I grossly underestimated how difficult the sleep deprivation would be, and how awful it could get. This kiddo is waking up every 1-2 hours around the clock. I’m doing the night shift since I’m breastfeeding and it is INTENSE! I’m reading sleep training books and trying to find our way. Any advice? This is hard on our marriage, hard on my sanity, it’s just hard. Praying for grace and patience as we go through what so many have before us. Praying that I find a way to help this babe sleep for longer stretches. Praying that one day I wake up and feel like myself instead of a zombie-mom.
I have basically been on an extended maternity leave- it took three months to physically recover from his birth and all of that health drama. But now I’m feeling the strong pull to get back to this space. And so we’re figuring out how to make that possible for me. It seems that my pre-baby plan to just put him down and work while he napped/played independently is actually LAUGHABLE. I’m serious. I just had an out-loud chuckle over it. It’s almost as funny as that idea I had when he was a couple of months old when he slept for 6 hours stretches that he was going to just keep sleeping for longer and longer stretches until Lou and I were enjoying glasses of wine after he was in bed and sleeping uninterrupted until our peaceful morning routine began at a reasonable hour. LAUGHABLE IF I WASN’T CRYING!!!!! Ha!
I’ve realized the most important thing is being a mama is knowing when you need to ask for help. So, I’m asking. Advice, please! Suggestions for sleep methods, books, anything at all you think may help us navigate this time. Also, I’m bringing on someone to help with childcare starting next week. Any suggestions or advice for a newly-working mama is also appreciated! You have all been so good to me over the years as we’ve gone through so much (I mean seriously, we’re ready for a break!). So I thank you in advance, I know you won’t let me down. Big hugs! xx- Sarah
My little baby boy is 10 months and I feel ya on the sleep! Luckily he now sleeps through the night pretty consistently but we were there once too, and just know that it gets better. I read a ton of books and a ton of blog posts on baby sleep, but really you have to pick and choose what works for you and your babe since they are all so different. One big game changer for us was putting him to sleep drowsy but awake (not letting him paaa out on the boob and then lay him down asleep). First night was hard and he cried but it only took one night like that before he learned the new routine of falling asleep on his own. I also started pumping and feeding him a full 4oz bottle before bedtime and it helped him sleep for longer stretches because his belly was fuller (I think he got less milk down nursing because it would make him more drowsy). I could go on and on but please feel feee to email me if you would like more tips! Xo
Thank you so much Phoebe! I’m working on the putting him to sleep drowsy. But as you said every babe is different and this guy is fighting it hard!! I know it’ll get better. 🙂 . Thanks so much for the support and encouragement! xx
Check out The Happy Sleeper. We used this method and Jude has been sleeping 10-11 hour stretches of sleep since she was about 6.5 months old. I am still breast feeding but once she started getting into a good sleep routine she dropped her night feedings quickly. The sleep deprievation is brutal. Wishing you the best!
Thanks Jeanette! Book is ordered and when I have a moment I’ll read it! I know a big part of this is time- he’s still so little (his adjusted age is only 4.5 months). I’m hoping by 6/7 months he’s a sleeper too! One day at a time. 🙂 xx
Our little guy (now 18 months) hit the four month sleep regression hard. He had been sleeping 8, 9, sometimes 10 hour stretches in the weeks leading up to his four month birthday and we had been celebrating how particularly gifted we seemed to be at parenting until our whole world got rocked by hourly nihht waking, short naps and a miserable, cranky little boy. Before I take too much credit for what we did about his sleep, I will mention (out of fear that the parenting gods will punish us dearly for any sort of gloating, as they do) that things improved significantly for us around five and a half months (almost exactly 6 weeks after our regression started). But at the five month mark I felt I was losing my mind and we started ‘sleep training’. Despite all of my threats, I found I was unable to handle anything that resembled cry it out so here’s what we did: we picked two feeding times in the night that we felt were still needed for nourishment (for us it was 11ish and 3ish) and any wakings that happened outside of these times we ‘paused’ we he cried out. We started with 10-20 seconds and then extended it to 30-40 seconds. We had him in a bassinet beside our bed and after the pause I would reach over and pat him, sing, soothe him for another minute or so without picking him up. If I could tell that he wasn’t calming down at this point I would pick him up but not feed him if it was outside of the feed times. We struggled with this as it was usually so much easier to nurse him to sleep, especially at that level of exhaustion, but we kept at it. I also worked on putting him down drowsy at nap and sleep times. At six months I introduced a dream feed and baby cereal mixed with pumped milk right before dinner and he dropped the three am feed on his own about a week after that. We kept the dream feed until he was almost 14 months. With the dream feed, he’s slept 11-12 hours a night since just over six months (with the exception of colds, teething, etc). I can honestly say that the period between 4 and 6 months was the most difficult time I’ve had with my little guy. That level of sleep deprivation looks a lot like PPD and it was a rocky, sometimes scary time for us. A few weeks there things we did around this time (we were truly desperate and trying everything): we stopped swaddling his arms (turns out he’s a thumb-sucker) and moved him into his own room. We figured these transitions would be tough ones and thought that if he wasn’t sleeping anyway that it was the perfect time. Best of luck, Mama. You’re not alone!
Yes to all this. We swaddled WAY too long because we thought he needed it–turns out he needed to self-soothe with his thumb but we never gave him the chance. No wonder he was screaming! Another commenter mentions the Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit–YESSSSS for the transition from full swaddle to self-soothe. It saved our lives.
I exclusively breast fed for 6 months (pumped just enough to have one “tank up” bottle for him around 10 PM which my husband gave him). This time around–I’m due in June–we decided to supplement with formula earlier if needed. My supply was never that outstanding and toward the 6 month mark, I could barely pump 6 oz for the nighttime bottle, which meant the 1 AM, 3 AM, and 5 AM feeds were all on me. It truly got dangerous because I was falling asleep from sheer exhaustion while nursing him in his chair. A couple times my husband came in to wake me up so I could put him down–luckily he never rolled into an unsafe position in the chair but that could have happened. Adding formula got the feeds down to 1 at night and I never looked back. I had planned to BF for at least a year, but sometimes your supply + the needs of your family require something different. I wish I had listened to my intuition (HE’S HUNGRY) instead of my pride (you are a worthless mom if you don’t exclusively BF for a year… or until he goes to kindergarten!)
Oh Jennifer I feel your pain! This is definitely the hardest time we’ve had too, but I’m so encouraged to read all the stories of it passing! The crying when you’re that fatigued is SO INTENSE! And in the dark. Yikes! I tried to do what you suggested (which is also the same thing our pediatrician recommended). I lasted all of 1 minute. HA! I guess we’ll figure it out another way. Or eventually I’ll wear down enough to go through with the struggle of a little crying.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and for the encouragement!! XX
Yep. Happened to us, too. I’ll NEVER forget going to my daughter’s 6 month check up, on the verge of (in)sanity (I was back to working full-time at that point) and our pediatrician asking how nighttime was. . . bursting into tears, and her saying, “uhhhh, Katie? She is TOTALLY healthy, good on growth” and basically told me this kid did not need any nutrition through the night at that point. It was a much needed wake up call for me to give myself license to sleep. 🙂 So I did. It took a little bit of crying, but nowhere near what I’d feared and then, I finally felt somewhat human again. The only book I ever got was “healthy Sleep habits, happy child” which was super helpful in giving me information, context and confidence to make health and sanity decisions for me AND for her that were sustainable. We’ve all been there. Best thing to do is ask for help and take it where you can!
Thank you so much Katie! I can’t imagine the working full time thing with this amount of sleep deprivation. I can barely function with my part time gig. You are a hero! Thank you so much for sharing your story and advice!! xx
Get the Sleep Easy Solution DVD (not the book because who has time to read books?!). It was effective for us!
Oooh, good idea, thank you! I’ve ordered a bunch of books but a DVD sounds like a much easier way!! 🙂
So…we got unlucky/lucky with our daughter having reflux. She was AMAZING as long as she wasn’t horizontal. AKA changings/sleeping (insert BOO HOO emoji!!) So…I spent the first three months sleeping on the couch with her propped in my arms. I didn’t want any gadgets (insert “advanced maternal age” mama who had tried for over a year, and was…well, bonkers to be honest), but finally I got a sleeping swing. The kind that you put them in and they sway back and forth. She slept like an angel in it! So…after 3 months of sleeping by ourselves, I attempted to put her in the swing AT NIGHT (oh the horrors of telling people that!!). Guess what…she slept for SEVEN GLORIOUS HOURS! At that point, I didn’t care what anyone else said. She SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! And…was a super happy baby in the morning. Greeted by a super happy mama too! So, that’s my super secret. Do what you have to do. And don’t care if you think it’s right or wrong. Sleep is sleep… 🙂
Good luck!!!
This is the BEST advice Lauren, especially for someone like me! Thank you so much! It’s true. How/where totally DOES NOT MATTER when it comes to sleep! Oh I wish the swing worked like that for us! He totally slept in one for the first few months but these days he’s over it. Thank you again for sharing and the encouragement! XX
Sleep! I was consumed with getting Charley to sleep through the night because he was never a consistent daytime napper, and since he suffered from reflux my days were intense. We had a good run of chunky nighttime sleep, but then he had a biiiiig regression around 3.5 months and I realized it was time for some sleep training. The biggest game changer was moving him to his own room; he had been sleeping in our room in a bassinet, but giving him his own space helped so so much. It was also so liberating to have OUR space back instead of tip-toeing around the bedroom. Previously, I was doing a full swaddle, but I started leaving one arm out so he could self soothe and he was able to calm himself down by sucking his thumb (he was never into the pacifier). Lastly, we gave him a lovey to sleep with and he loves it. He drapes it around his head or rubs his cheek with it and it helps him sleep so well. I would do a bottle of 1/2 pumped breastmilk and 1/2 formula before bedtime…it helped me know exactly how much he was getting before bed so I could gauge whether he was waking up for comfort or for food. We had a designated time of 4AM for feeding, but wouldn’t rush to him before that. CIO requires nerves of steel, but seeing how rested and happy my dude was gave me the confidence to keep going with it. You may have to hit rock bottom before you’re willing to go down that road, but the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” is a great way to pump yourself up. I found the info in that book really useful and liked that it was written in a realistic way. There were action items I could put into play immediately and helpful ways to troubleshoot our situation. I will say, being a well-rested parent makes me so much more available to my son during the day, so I was willing to do whatever I needed to get there. Sending you all the best! He’s a total cutie 🙂 xxDulci
Thank you so much Dulci! I ordered the book and have been reading it! I may have to work up to either CIO or Ferber. I don’t think I am ready to let him cry (ok full disclosure I tried just having him cry while I held him and didn’t let him nurse for one feeding in the middle of the night and I lasted no more than a minute). I may be a hopeless lost cause in that dept. I’m working on sleep “shaping” right now, and we’ll see what happens if I can’t make some headway in the next few weeks. If nothing changes there will come a point where we’ll have no choice but to do a version of CIO because Lou and I are suffering, and I know it’s not healthy for any of us to sustain this long term and I know it’s great for everyone in the long run. But I’m going to see if I can work with him before we get to that point, just to save myself the trauma of hearing him cry. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!
Thank you so much for your encouragement and support!!! I will keep you posted! xx
Aw, mama, hang in there! My son is 22 months old now and I work from home too. It does get a little easier once they are happier playing on their own! As far as sleep, we co-sleep mainly at night which has always allowed me to get more sleep! He is still breastfeeding and doesn’t always do so at night but I did recently read a helpful article on weaning that, so I am giving it a try because totally interrupted sleep sounds nice haha It was this one –> http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html Cosleeping works well for us but I know it’s not for everyone. He used to sleep in his crib for naps and before I went to bed but hasn’t wanted to for the past few months- eek! Anyway, I’ve noticed EVERY mother/child has that one trouble area whether it’s sleeping or feeding or something else. You’re not alone. <3
Personally CIO doesn’t sit well with me. I attempted it when he was around 13 months and it was SO stressful and just made me feel horrible. I know it works wonderfully for some people but I just don’t think it was right for us. I mention this just as a reminder that advice is awesome but ultimately trust your mama gut!
Thank you Sophie! We co-sleep too but I’m such a terrible sleeper so it’s not the best solution for us- although it’s super helpful for breastfeeding him back to sleep and for me (sometimes) not having to fully wake up. We’re working on transitioning to the crib before we’re too far deep in this thing. 🙂
And I’m so relieved to hear it gets easier working from home! I’m soaking up every minute of this phase but I do really look forward to him playing on his own too!
Thanks again! xx
Uff…sleep is ever elusive with a newborn (or under 12 mo old). My second child breastfed ev two hours. On the clock. So I feel you! The guidance I found most helpful was ( and is!) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Mark Weissbluth. Unlike other books I read he looks at all methods and explains the pros and cons of each. He is aware we all parent differently and gives the opportunity to find a method that fits your parenting and gives the tools to carry out the plan. I greatly appreciate the guidance and find it helpful for my older child as well. This book includes newborn – adolescent sleep studies/help. I hope that helps and that you all find a rhythm that works for you! Sweet dreams!
Thank you Asha! I had always heard that the first year is hard and sleep is an issue but I massively underestimated how hard! So comforting to know that time will pass and one day I’ll be helping a new mama muddle her way through it the way you are helping me muddle my way through it! Thank you thank you! xx
It will pass, it all will and you will miss it like crazy., even though you don’t believe in it now 😉 At some point I was alone with my 1 month old baby as my partner had to leave for work for almost a month. First few nights I was carrying Mia around, she was crying, she did not want to sleep. After few days, during her nap, I read a book by Tracy Hogg about how to calm and make children sleep well. I started to use it and first two days were heartbreaking as my kid was crying but start from day nr 3 she slept 8h straight and now she’s 2 years old and still sleeping great through the night. The book seems to be a controversial subject, but it worked for me.
It is controversial, and CIO is extremely dangerous when babies are this young. They cry for a reason, because they need something at this age.
The Baby Whisperer methods aren’t typical CIO, actually. We did this with our 6 month old because he had health issues (food allergies with enteritis and reflux) but we needed to get our non-sleeper out of the Rock and Play at that point. We never left his side doing these methods: you pat their back, place them back down in the crib if they stand, and pick them up if they cry. We couldn’t do CIO: I got pressured into 2 attempts that left him puking from crying so hard after an hour, which I wasn’t willing to do.
I agree that sleep methods can be full of controversy, but as a mom who was working full-time, nursing on a severely restricted diet, and with a kid who didn’t sleep through the night until 18 months, even with these methods, I can tell you that it is HARD. We spent probably 4 hours a day/night minimum every single day just trying to help him sleep. When I went back to work, he was sleeping in 30 min increments (10 weeks). He screamed from 6am until 8-10pm daily. It was scarring, but it was made worse by well-meaning attempts to make me feel better. My best advice is that every baby is different, some are harder than others, and that someday it does get better. But people who tell you “just wait until X weeks/months” will set you up to feel worse when it doesn’t get better by then.
I will say that my husband and I made ourselves get out of the house together about once a week: to go to the gym, to sit outside at night, to do something together. I had been with him for almost 15 years when we had our son and that was the worst year for us: I hated him because he couldn’t make it stop (and he was very involved, it was just sleep deprivation and frustration). It will get better. It will. Hang in there!
I am with you in that I think some babies need more at that age, but I also think all babies are different! Some are born close to ten lbs and can sleep through the night (safely) at a much younger age. We have decided no sleep training for Mateo (if at all) until he is 6 months (with his adjusted age). Which gives us a long six weeks to go! Send HELP! haha XX
OMG Marta one month alone with a baby that new! That is so intense!!! I think whatever works, works. Every family and baby is different. No judgment here, you did what you needed to and you are all thriving and that’s what counts! <3
Its so nice to hear from you Sarah! Thank you for giving us all an update! So glad to hear how much better you’re feeling after all that you’ve gone through, and Teo is absolutely darling!!!!! Heart eyes all day for his big eyes and long hair and little baby toes 🙂 But oh, do I feel for you and what you’re going through right now. Being a new mama is SO hard. Hang in there! It will get easier in so many ways. My son is almost 18 months and I’ve realized that its constantly changing, in good ways and hard ways. A few months or a year from now, the struggles you have every day in the present will seem far away. I work from home too, and my best advice is to get as much help as you can – whether that means 1 day a week or 5. And if you can, try to use a little snippet of that time (even just an hour ) for YOU. To take a walk, or read, or go browse a store you love or have coffee somewhere by yourself in silence. When my son was smaller, baby wearing even in the house was vital – to help him nap and also to work standing up at the counter when he didn’t want to be put down. We loved the Sakura Bloom sling and Solly Baby wrap, and my husband preferred the Ergobaby. As for sleep, it was a long process for us that felt really slow. He usually sleeps through the night now but it took much longer than so many people I know – so try not to compare your situation/your baby to anyone else! We rely on a white noise machine and blackout curtains plus sleep sacks when he stopped being swaddled. Good luck mama! xoxo
Thank you so much Joyce!!! This is such good advice, I’m so grateful!
I have a friend who is coming twice a week now for a few hours to help, and I’ve been planning on using those hours for work (which is really just a couple hrs b/c he still needs me for feeding and to help get him down for naps). But I gotta start taking better care of myself, even through the exhaustion!
And yep, we’re all about the baby wearing. He’s in the ergo on me as I type. 🙂 .
xx
sarah! totally normal.
okay, so i’m going to suggest sleep training w a consultant even though it’s a controversial recommendation. Natalie at babysleeptrainer.com is so affordable (like $300) and can get him on a good routine in 2 weeks (nights dramatic in 3-5 days). i do sleep training because i feel that it reduces the crying/stress of my babies overall for their baby lifetime. They cry during training but as a result don’t cry out of tiredness, etc. Feel free to email me with any questions
Thank you so much Stephanie! I do think that if we get to a place where we decide to do a more intense training situation I will DEFINITELY hire help. I don’t have it in me to do it myself. I’ll need a lot of handholding should that day come! And I agree, I think it does help with cutting down crying time in the long run. Thank you so much!! <3
Mateo is so precious! My boy is 7 months and having a baby is just so wonderful and also so HARD! The amount of work and sleep deprivation is so hard on a marriage, I would love to hear other new parent’s tips. As for sleep, every baby is different, but if you’re breastfeeding you could consider supplementing with a bottle of pumped milk before bed. I know my supply is low at night – I can only pump about 3 oz but my baby will drink a good 8 oz or more now if we give him a bottle and then sleep a good 8 hours! You could also let your husband take a shift to give the baby a bottle once or twice at night now that your supply should have stabilized at this point to give you a break and some much needed sleep! Good luck mama, it does get easier 🙂
Emily you’re so in the thick of it right alongside me!! Oh but those 8 hours sound like heaven! I know we’ll get there. One day at a time! And everyone says it gets easier in so many ways after the first year. We got this!!! Thank you so much for the encouragement! And congrats on your little! XX
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Mark Weissbluth!
Hands down. Transformative! I think you can order it online. good luck!
Thank you! I have it, and it’s a million pages long! ha! But hopefully I can get through it. Reading is hard with this amount of exhaustion. WISH ME LUCK! XX
Ugh, it’s so so hard! Good thing he’s so edible. My first was similar – our worst night she was up every 45 minutes and every time she cried, I cried! We ended starting sleep training with a modified cry it out schedule that night because I just couldn’t take it any more. Within a few weeks she was sleeping 12 hours and those wine after bedtime nights came back! We hired a sleep consultant to help us set up a more sustainable schedule but I’m not sure we needed to, I was just too tired to do it on my own. Have you checked out the Precious Little Sleep website and FB page? There’s some good tips over there. Sending lots of love and sleepy vibes – I promise, you will sleep again!
Thank you Courtney! Oh it’s so intense when they wake up that often. I think we’ll probably tackle a modified CIO after he’s six months (adjusted age) and WITH HELP. I couldn’t do it without a coach!! Heading over to the website you recommended now. xx
Check out the app Nod sleep coach, just released this week! Designed to be a personalized virtual sleep coach, delivering customized and adaptable recommendations based on your baby’s particular issues. Just barely emerging from beta. (Disclaimer: I work for Johnson & Johnson, who is co-developing the app with Mimo and the Pediatric Sleep Council.)
Thank you so much Stefanie, downloading now! Can’t wait to check it out! XX
Ahh, he’s so cute!! I’m not a mom, but I’ve nannied for years (newborns to teenagers). I think where I saw mom’s struggling the most was with “mom guilt”: wanting to do things and live life but feeling like they need to be there 24/7 otherwise they’re neglecting their child and missing moments. As a nanny, all I can say is it is so much more impactful for the child to see you still working and doing you than to have you physically present all the time. Most of the time, when they’re really young, they don’t even remember the moments you weren’t there! And very rarely did I have occasions where the mom missed out on a moment (i.e. walking for the first time, first word, etc.). Also, all my mommy friends have been recommending the book “Bringing Up Bebe”. I’ve read it as a resource and a lot of the methods in there make sense (from my viewpoint). A helper with childcare though really does make a difference!
xo, Sofia
http://www.thecozie.co
Thank you Sofia! I did just hire a girlfriend to come twice a week, and from day one I was SO RELIEVED just to have a bit of help! It will be so nice when I can have even more help (he still needs me for meals and naptimes, so it’s really only the hour he’s awake that I get a break- but still!) . It’s so good. Thank you so much for the book rec too! xx
What a beautiful baby! Congratulations!!
Have you tried the magic sleep suit? It looks like a snow suit. I know a few people who swear by it.
Good luck!
Thanks Annie! Yep, we tried it. Didn’t do much for us. But I maybe didn’t try it for enough nights. Night one, nada. 🙂 . xx
First… Congrats! He’s a beautiful boy. :). Second… BREATHE!!! It’s never as easy as you think it’s going to be. My youngest is almost 2.5. Both boys. I bf’d both over a year each and the sleep part (at night) was a killer. The older they get, the easier the sleep gets. Remember, it’s just a phase and “this too shall pass.” The book that really helped my husband and I both was The Happiest Baby on the Block. Also, at night, I had to remember to let the baby empty both sides so they would sleep longer.. it’s easy to let them fall asleep, so you can, too, but then they will wake up sooner. Rough, right??. Other than that…. Equal parts coffee and patience.. Lots of it!! ;).
Thank you Shannon! Taking deep breaths. 🙂 . Will check out that book! And do you know if Amazon sells patience? I am running low on mine. HA! xx
Welcome back Sarah! You have been missed! I don’t know if my advice is great but this was my experience with both my boys now 8 and 6…My first was a rock star! He slept through the night at 5 weeks! I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t. I literally was losing my mind with the sleep deprivation so I can’t even imagine what you’re going through! I was VERY lucky! I was breastfeeding but I found that giving him formula as the “last” bottle before bed helped. My feeling was that formula was “heavier” than breast milk and that it kept him fuller for longer…no idea if this has any truth to it but it did work for me. It also worked with my second. And when I say sleep through the night I mean they started with around 7 hours and went up to 12 straight! I hope you get there soon Sarah! It really is hard! Sending hugs, good vibes and wishes for lots of sleep to come! xo
Thank you Jennifer!!! OMG 12 hours of sleep! I would cry tears of relief!!! SOMEDAY! I know we’ll get there. Thank you so much for the tips!! I know I’m gonna miss this time when my babe is grown, so trying to enjoy it as much as I can, as tired as I may be. <3
As far as sleep goes, a rigid, & I mean rigid sleep schedule is what works best for us. Since day 1, I’ve had our girl (now 18 months) on a tight sleep schedule. She’s been a great sleeper from early on to, & I attribute it to this. When she was tiny if it meant we missed outings to get home in time for nap, that’s just what we had to do. I also highly recommend doing 2 dream feeds. When baby was still breastfeeding, we’d put her down for the night between 6-7. I would then dream feed her at 8:30p AND 10p. This helped keep her really full & she would make it to a somewhat reasonable hour this way. Best of luck to you. This will pass & he will learn to be a better sleeper. I’m sure you are exhausted but enjoy this time. It goes by wayyyy too quickly!
We’re working on a sleep schedule now! Well, we’re working on trying to never let him be awake for longer than 90 minutes during the day. That’s supposed to help.
I would do dream feeds but the kiddo is up every 1-2. He’s definitely not hungry. But he hasn’t figured out how to put himself back to sleep yet. We’ll get there!! Slow and steady, one day at a time. Thank you so much for the advice! XX
The two books you need are Healthy sleep Habits, Happy Baby and the 90-minute baby sleep program. You’ll have to sleep train If you want to sleep through the night. The gift of falling asleep on his own and sleeping through the night is something he will take with him for the rest of his life. But, it’s something he has to learn with a little coaxing from you. Sleep training is so worth a few nights of crying. Both of my kids slept 12 hours at night and three naps during the day. Kids thrive on a sleep schedule. Good luck. You can do this!
Thank you so much Simi! I am so grateful for the encouragement! I think we’re going to wait a couple more months (if we can hang in there) before we do any sort of formal sleep training but I’ll read the books you recommended in the meantime!! xx
Co-sleeping is the breastfeeding miracle for sleep. You can snuggle your babe and feed without barely waking up for bottles, pumping, rocking, etc. I nursed my first until he was 3 and my second is 22 months and still nursing and co-sleeping. Neither has ever had an ounce of formula. My first was swaddled until 11 months old. Now he is an amazing sleeper in his own room – no blankies, lovies, pacifiers, thumb sucking. Just amazing healthy sleep, and he did it all when he was ready for it. Elizabeth Pantleys The No cry Sleep Solution is a wonderful reference but ultimately the best mothering advice I ever received was to listen to your child. He will tell you what he needs and what’s best for him. Trust your instincts.
Yes! This is what’s natural for moms and babies! Great book, BTW 🙂
Thanks Emily! We’re co sleeping, I am just not the best sleeper myself so it’s tough. But we’ll get there! Thanks so much for your advice and recommendations!! I’ve already started the book you recommended, and I love it! 🙂 xx
Hi Sarah,
I’m a mom to a 11 month old little girl. Like Mateo we were in the Nicu for 2 weeks too and had a hard time keeping her 3 hour schedule that we had at the nicu. We started co-sleeping to get her thru the night and at 3 months she was finally able to sleep in her bassinet. We used love to dream Swaddle and that really helped because it was tight & minic the womb. We also bought a white noise machine called a sound bub that really worked well for awhile until we hit the teething stage and all bets were off. Our doctor gave us the the “the 90 -minute baby sleep program” by Polly Moore Ph.D. And it changed our life we had a hard time letting her cry it out dr Moore suggest ressurance at 3,5,7,10 minute intervals. The first night took 45 min and the second night 15 min. And now we’re getting a full nights sleep, and I’m a well rested mommy. Baby might have a few bad nights ie teething pain, sickness, tummy trouble & nightmares. I wish you the best of luck, being a mom is tough and by becoming a mom we are tougher & harder on ourselves. You’ll get it momma!
Sorry, I didn’t explain one sentence well enough. Baby will always go through sleep cycles differently when they experience small setbacks such as teething pain, sickness, tummy trouble or someday nightmares. Whew sorry that sentence sounded bad at first.
Thank you Ashley! That Nicu schedule is intense! I am so happy you’ve found a way for everyone to get good sleep! I’ll check out that book, thanks so much for the support and recommendations!!! xx
Yay for you being a great mama! We did the Ferber method (just from googling and asking our pediatrician) at 4 months. Let me tell you, his crying lasted 3 nights and they were the worst and longest 3 nights of all of our lives with little to no sleep for anyone. But come day 4, he went down like champ with little crying and it’s been smooth sailing since. Set when you’re going to start with your husband for days that will be good. Be strong with each other and don’t give in when he cries even when you want to. Know you can all do it and sleep is the best for everyone! You got this!
Thank you Danielle!!! We’re not ready for a full Ferber type situation (YET) but talk to me after two more months of sleep deprivation!!! I’m so happy to hear it worked so well for your family! I totally agree, sleep is the most important thing. Thank you so much for the support and recs! xx
Hi Sarah,
I love reading your blog and have loved watching your journey!
I don’t know how you do the nights with waking every 1-2hrs! I have 3 bubbas (Stella is 6yrs old, Zara 3 & Leo is 1) and I read Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. http://www.saveoursleep.com.au
It is an amazing book (which you don’t need to read cover to cover) that teaches you to teach your baby to “self settle” as they wake & sleep through the different sleep cycles. It gives you all the sleep routines you will need up to age 2 yrs, and makes sure you are keeping him warm enough and with a full tummy to sleep through the night! It works – it is hard for the first couple of nights because babies will protest cry (baby tantrum) – and this is a cry that is ok to ignore. And it is so hard to ignore – but a must to teach them that they can sleep through the night. All my babies have gone to bed at 7pm and depending on age, woken for a feed and then straight back to bed. By Mateo’s age they were all sleeping through from 7pm to 6am (sometimes 7am!) You can have that glass of wine after bed time, some Mommy & Daddy time and then start all over again (at a reasonable hour!) Best of Luck! Ashleigh
Thank you so much Ashleigh! And you know I love everything Australian! 😉
I am nearing the point where I would rather endure some tears on his part so that I can be a better mom to him during the waking part of the day. I’m so exhausted and depleted that I can’t be the best me, so it’s making more sense by the day to take an approach that is a bit quicker if need be. Thank you so much for the advice and support! xx
Such sweet pictures!
For our daughter we used the book “12 hours sleep by 12 weeks”, though we didn’t start this method till she was 16 weeks, since she had a lot of reflux. The whole process took about 1 month. There are a lot of people who hate this book, as they feel it’s a “cry it out” method, but I assure you it’s pretty gentle. This book is a proponent of going in a reassuring the baby every 5 minutes when they start to fuss or cry, and starting to wean your baby from his nighttime feedings. I was unable to breastfeed longer than 2.5 months, and this method does recommend using a bottle (though it is possible with breastfeeding).
Wishing you the best of luck. I remember being exhausted like you, but the week she turned 5 months she started sleeping longer and longer stretches. Hang in there mama!
Thank you Zoe! I am so looking forward to that moment when he starts sleeping longer stretches!!!!! I’ll check out your book rec! Thank you for the pep talk and encouragement!!!! 🙂 xx
I had two bad sleepers, the first being particularly rough, and the sleep deprivation was incredibly shocking and humbling, to say the least! I desperately tried EVERYTHING (besides sleep training because it didn’t feel right for me or my baby’s strong will) and sadly there was no magic solution for us, though co-sleeping provided some relief so I could sleep through the frequent nursing sessions. I finally accepted our situation and made necessary lifestyle changes to get through the season. I said no a lot and did my best not to get to locked into obligations just in case she/I/both of us were cranky. This probably doesn’t sound very encouraging, but letting go of the added weight of trying to change my reality was a relief. It also helped to know that there were other moms out there (though not a ton!) whose kids just didn’t sleep well and nursed frequently. So if you happen to have one of those: YOU ARE NOT ALONE 🙂 And you may have a few rough years but the future is bright. Mine are now 9 and 6 and they both (mostly, and only very recently) sleep through the night, get up and make themselves breakfast, go to bed early, and me and my husband have the whole evening every night to spend together. I look back at the few years when they were babies and it was intense and insane! The hardest time ever. But I have zero regrets about how I spent those early years doing nothing but holding/cuddling/nursing/sleeping next to my babies. My only regret is all the time and frustration and tears spent on methods and tricks that did nothing for us. This may not be your path, but either way I want to affirm how insanely hard parenting is, especially when they are babies, and that you are doing an amazing job!!!! I so love reading your blog…and I say that with absolutely no pressure or expectation of you to post, haha!
Jenny OMG this is the first time I’ve thought that this could last for years! I can’t cope with that reality!! hahaha!
In seriousness though you are a hero! I can’t even imagine, being only 5 short months into this sleeplessness thing, the path you have walked. Those are some beloved babes you have and I imagine you are their sun and moon and stars. <3
Thank you so much for your note, kind words and encouragement! I will keep you posted! xx
It is so hard! But remember, this too shall pass 🙂 I went back to work when both my babies were 8 weeks old. My older son didn’t sleep well until he was 3, and even then, he woke me up every night until he was 6! I tried the CIO method with him to no avail. It was horrible!
Two important lessons I learned with him: 1. sleep begets sleep, so he often slept worse when he wasn’t napping long enough or going to bed early enough, and 2. he really needed a lovey. He was always looking for me during the night (sweet, right?), but with my second child, when he was a few months old, I gave him a little lovey, didn’t pick him up out of the crib unless he needed to feed, and encouraged him to feed less often at night; I even moved his crib farther away so he wouldn’t smell/see me.
And that Healthy Sleep Healthy CHild book mentioned by another commenter is a gem. 🙂 Hang in there–it will get better.
Hi Sarah. Yes, the sleep deprivation is the worst. I read ALL the books with my first and took her to the pediatrician a couple times because I was certain I was doing something wrong since she was not sleeping through the night. Now that I have my third baby here’s what I have learned:
Relax: When you start to feel tense (which definitely happens when I’m overtired), the baby will sense it.
Also, I thought that if I kept the baby up more during the day, she would sleep at night. Not the case at all! When babies are overtired, they have a very difficult time falling asleep. Make sure he’s sleeping often or whenever he’s showing signs he’s tired.
At this age babies are sleeping in 50 minute sleep cycles, so it’s common for them to wake frequently. Obviously you should discuss this with your pediatrician but ours recommended that I not do the night shift because I was essentially training the baby to get up every 1-3 hours to nurse and she didn’t need to be eating that frequently around the clock. If you send your husband in the baby may not even “ask” to eat. If you are worried he may be hungry, you could try pumping a small bottle and if he gobbles it up, then you will know but more often than not the baby won’t be that interested.
Around this age, the are also trying to capture your attention (especially yours as the mom), so sending your husband in might teach him that it is time to sleep, not play.
It’s also okay for him to cry. It sounds so silly to say that, but I honestly don’t know if I ever let my first child cry because it would have been so stressful for me. By the third, I just can’t always get to him right away since I’m caring for the other two and so he has actually become my most easy-going baby because of it. He will cry out and sometimes go back to sleep (he is learning self-soothing) or he will wait and cry out again.
Good luck. Hang in there!
hi! totally not a mom here. i just wanted to thank you for always be so honest & real with the good & bad in your life. it’s refreshing to hear how you talk about the beauty in motherhood but acknowledge the downsides & admit that you need help. you are such an inspiration sarah!
Mateo is precious! Our little guy, Isaac, is 8 months old. I have been where you are now, and I know it is NOT easy. I felt so completely overwhelmed and underprepared as a new mom, and I didn’t even go through half of what you went through. I realized somewhat early on that I was experiencing PPD/PPA, but didn’t seek help until about two months ago. I am so glad I did. If you feel like you’re constantly treading water and feeling extremely overwhelmed, I would definitely recommend finding a good therapist who specializes in PPD.
As far as sleep goes, I am not a fan of Sleep Training/ CIO (please read these articles: http://www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep/ and http://www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep-moral-imperative-end-cry-it-out/). Check out this article, too: https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/ We co-sleep, and I know what it’s like to get up every hour or two to nurse– and you are right, it affects everything! Co-sleeping does help a bit because when I nurse, I am mostly asleep. (Safe co-sleeping articles: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research and http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/sleep-safety/cosleeping-safely). Like someone else mentioned, putting him to sleep with a full (but not overly full or he will be cranky, too) tummy really helps, even if that means pumping and feeding him a full bottle. One reason I don’t like CIO is because some women have low breastmilk reserves, and their baby will wake up frequently to be able to get enough milk. I know I am one of them. If you let them cry it out, they essentially go hungry all night long because they aren’t getting enough milk per nursing session (http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/articles/2012/10/31/do-older-babies-need-night-feedings.html). Also, you guys just went through, or may still be going through, 4 month sleep regression (not fun). Ours lasted about 5 weeks, and since then, he gets up 2-3 times per night, which is much more manageable. As I’m sure you’ve discovered, routine is everything! My husband used to work late, so I had to learn early on how to put Isaac to sleep on my own. He is still amazed that I have no trouble getting him down to bed in five minutes flat! I’ve discovered that in the 8 short months that Isaac has been with us, he has gone through many phases, and he has also outgrown a lot of things. As far as books go, the No Cry Sleep Solution book, Gentle Sleep Book, and Dr. Sears books are great! Like some other moms on here have said, many things get better with time (that doesn’t make them any easier when you are going through them, though).
I didn’t have a lot of support or help when I had Isaac (contributing factor to my PPD), but one thing that really helped me was a local BF moms group on Facebook. They were seriously my support network with just about every question I had. I went back to work full time when Isaac was 3 months old, and it was really hard, in part because my job was extremely stressful, and in part because I was not ready and wanted to be with Isaac. I felt a little guilty, though, because I definitely needed breaks from him. Our first babysitter was horrible, but the second one was amazing. That time apart should help you to feel less stressed and enjoy the time you spend together and enjoy your new identity as a mom and Sarah. Which leads me to self care– not sure where you are at with taking care of yourself, but I know that I definitely was in a bad place. I wasn’t eating enough, I was stressed out, I felt bad, looked bad, wasn’t sleeping, etc. I started by going to a postpartum physical therapist, then adding in therapy for PPD, then I got a pilates membership, and trying to spend more time on cooking, beauty, etc. when I could fit it in. It has made a world of difference! I felt like I had sort of lost my identity when I had Isaac, that I was no longer Sarah, but just “mommy.” It can be very overwhelming (and beautiful, but overwhelming) to be the sun, moon, and stars for someone who is entirely dependent upon you! You definitely learn to prioritize what is important, and taking time to reevaluate those things is necessary. Isaac has become a lot more independent now, and I’m able to accomplish more at home, but I’m trying to savor the time we have together because it really is fleeting.
Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job and Mateo loves you so much!
I second the fuller belly comment! At my little dude’s 2 month appointment, his pediatrician told us that he will sleep better at night if he gets enough calories during the day. We had to start day care at 9 weeks and send 4 5oz bottles of breast milk to be fed every 3ish hours (he’s usually hungry closer to the 2.5 hour mark) – he eats more each feeding when bottle-fed versus nursing and it made a big difference in his nightly feeding habits. At 4 months now our routine is breastfeed at 6:30am, 4 bottles during the day, breastfeed before bed at 7pm (if needed, depending on last bottle), a dream feed at 9:30pm (bottle), and dream feed at 12m (bottle). With the occasional 3am diaper change, he’s sleeping through the night. We switched to bottles on the weekends to keep up the same routine when we noticed he was a fussy sleeper on Saturday nights. And bottles for dream feeds to avoid picking him up out of the crib. I go to sleep around 9pm, wake up at midnight to pump while my husband feeds the baby, and pump 3-4 times a day. It’s still tiring – but my husband and I get to have dinner together and wind down from the day pretty much every night.
Knowing we had to start day care on the early side pushed us to working with the baby to transition easily between the breast and a bottle (we also started having relatives feed him when they visited so he would take a bottle from anyone). And I really let go of the expectation/pressure to breastfeed directly from the source – I’m happier if I get a 5 hour stretch of sleep, which keeps my milk supply up, which keeps baby fed, regardless of it’s on the boob or from a bottle.
Teo and my son are only a month apart! I loved following your journey through pregnancy and am looking forward to reading about your experience with motherhood!
Sarah,
This sounds eerily similar to my son. He was up every hour for 10 months, and it would take several attempts to put him down these 10 times a night. I have never experienced anything harder in my life. I cried most days. My husband and I were a mess, and I seriously didn’t know if I would ever get through it. I got so much advice (and here I am writing to you now … lol) that I didn’t know what to believe. I felt like I didn’t even know what my intuition was telling me anymore. We tried every contraption in the book. I tried co-sleeping, but neither of us slept AT ALL then. Everyone told me my son wasn’t hungry and to stop nursing him at night. We even hired a sleep coach and she told me the same thing. I don’t blame em. My son was super chunky and still is at 22 months. Everything said “this boy is getting enough to eat.” We went to so many doctors because I thought something was wrong with him, but he was healthy. So many people told me to do CIO, and it just wasn’t sitting right with me (but no judgment for anyone who does CIO). My son would wake up screaming, and it turns out he WAS hungry, which I would have NEVER guessed. I fed him the recommended amount of food and even more. One day at 10 months, I started feeding him a crazy amount of solid foods. I basically let him eat until he didn’t want to eat anymore. He was a different baby basically overnight. He was so much more settled, and he started sleeping long stretches. He would wake up and cry for a few minutes but put himself back to sleep which was unheard of before. I would say a week or two after these long stretches he started sleeping through the night completely. It was an absolute miracle. This will be your story one day … I promise.
Kristi
Gas? My 10 week old was waking every 2 hours and would take so long to get back to sleep. Started doing the bicycle legs and leg press to help my little bubs fart. Gives you something to giggle about when sleep deprived at the very least!
I feel you and am sending love. This new experience and BIG life change are enough on their own and sleep for you guys is so huge. I have a five month old too and remember coming to the conclusion that I had to do whatever was best for my family, and you guys or your close family and friends can help you uncover that. For me, it was using formula and although that was so emotional for me after being so specific about how I ate while pregnant and a home birth, etc., family and friends reminded me that it truly was what was best for my family. Love is paramount. We used Holle formula which is from grass fed cows in the Alps-which seems so high maintenance (ha)-but it helped me feel better. I remember our pediatrician saying about our first, who never slept: put your feet up and enjoy that little man. It left me feeling so sad because I felt like I couldn’t do that the way I wanted… But when I made changes that were “best” for my family that became a reality for all of us and life got a whole lot better. Remember it will get better for you too! 🙂 xo
Hi Sarah! I don’t know if this has been mentioned or if you’re already doing this (and breast feeding) but I ended up cutting out all caffeine from my diet. Our son who is now 13 weeks had the hardest time sleeping and napping and he was just cranky all the time. One day it hit me that it could be the caffeine. I stopped immediately and he soon started sleeping better. The caffeine apparently stays in their system for 90+ hours. He still doesn’t sleep through the night but most days he’ll take a couple of 3 hr naps and sleep for 4-5 hr stretches at night. I still feed him at night because we had some health issues his first week but once his ped gives us the ok we’ll start sleep training soon. We’re going to try the Baby Wise book which all our friends recommended. Good luck and I hope something works for you! Mateo is adorable!!
Cute baby
Hi Sarah,
Not sure your stance on a pacifier, but my daughter would nurse for comfort and a soother is what did the trick for her. Because she was a sucker she would nurse also if she wasn’t hungry and it compounded the problem by her then being really full and gassy as well. Once she had the soother she quickly went to much less night waking and learning how to fall asleep by herself. I was very against the idea of giving her a soother originally, but wound up caving as we were getting desperate for a solution and I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of CIO. Funny how many things you wind up doing once you are a new parent that you thought you never would!
We got her the Hevea natural rubber soother, and it didn’t provide any nipple confusion for her. Not sure if it is was because of it’s shape or if she just figured it out.
Best of luck! There are so many things in the early days and you are just so exhausted. I found the more stressed and exhausted I felt the worse it made it with her. I would kind of practice meditating in those stressful tired times you are trying to get them to sleep. Try to let go of my emotional attachment to the situation (tired/stressed/anxious) and just breathe deeply and accept the circumstance we were in. Stop caring about how long it might take to get her to sleep or the 20 other things I felt I needed to do and just be calm and quiet and comforting. Once I truly was able to master that and genuinely let go, I found I’d look down in my arms and she would be passed out. She’s over a year now, and it’s amazing how all I need to do is snuggle her up, take some deep chest breaths, sing to her and she will start falling asleep.
https://heveaplanet.com/shop/star-moon-pacifier/
Hi! I see I am a little late to responding but hey, I thought I might just comment a little something. My little guy is over 4 months old. He was waking up every hour at night during even the first few days. I had him in a bassinet next to me. He would cry, I would nurse him and wait until he was sound asleep and the moment I would lay him down, he would cry. If I was lucky, I would lay him down and he would stay asleep but to be honest, it wouldn’t last more than an hour. So I have two older sisters with kids and they said, the ONLY way you are going to get sleep, is to co-sleep. Kinda scared me. My husband is a deep sleeper and I had horror stories in my head of him rolling over on him. Got the Doc-a-tot thinking that would work but no, I couldn’t nurse him laying down in it. So luckily I have a pretty comfy and big couch. To this day, he is now 4 months and over 1 week old, I sleep with him on the couch. He sleeps inward with his back against the couch (he is a side sleeper) and I sleep next to him on the outside. The moment he cries (I am also on my side) I shove my top boob in his mouth and he literally falls asleep in minutes. Some nights he wakes up a few times but again, he is back to sleep in minutes with my boob in his mouth. I nurse him and I am even sleeping. There has been nights where he has woken up only once and I didn’t drain my boobs and I almost got mastitis. Thats how many hours he slept. I am telling you co-sleeping is key! Once he gets bigger we will move to the bed but for now, I don’t care what people think when I say I am sleeping on the couch. I am getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night and I feel like a new woman compared to the first sleepless days with him. It was miserable! I was so sleep deprived that at moments I felt drunk when I was driving. And I was so grumpy all the time. We need our sleep! Well I hope I could help 🙂
These above comments are funny. Babies waking up in middle of night doesn’t have anything to do with your diet. They just want to be next to you. They were in your womb for 10 months. They want to smell you and be next to you thats it. Co-sleeping is the way to go! I am telling you! Try it one night and nurse on your side while your sleeping next to him! Let me know what happens!
My children are 11 and 13 now and those days of sleep deprivation are embedded in my mind! I have read through ever post on this thread and it brought me back to the days I scavenged the Internet for hours to find the holy grail of sleep secrets. I spent these waisted hours because I too did not feel comfortable sleep training! I couldn’t understand why a baby crying was at all healthy! Until I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Imagine how miserable you feel in your sleep deprived state. Your little guy probably feels the same. Sleep is so important, particularly to an infant! Once I realized this, that while sleep training seemed mid evil and cruel, it was in fact a very healthy thing I could do for my children, it made the idea seem more playable. It took three days with my son and seven tortuous days with my daughter! I would literally lay on the floor outside their closed door in a fetal position crying because of the guilt I felt, but the time it took to sleep train now seems like such a short sacrifice for their, and mine, well being. Since sleep training, my kids became exceptional sleepers, even napping till the age of five! You will find as your son grows up that you will have to do many difficult things in order to teach him the tools he needs to succeed…teaching self soothing is the first of many!!! Wishing you lots of luck! And don’t ever lose sight of the fact that this time is short lived and that you will get through this, no matter what you decide!
Palpable! Not playable. Oops….