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friendship breakups

at one time or another we have all been that friend, the one that is constantly asking another friend for a favor, or relying on their help, or talking their ear off about whatever personal crisis we're going through. the friendship balance shifts during these times, and as the other friend, you know that it will eventually shift back- that this give and take is exactly what friendships are made of.  except, what happens when it doesn't?  what do you do when you realize that things aren't shifting, that the friendship is out of balance with no hope for change on the horizon?

or have you ever just grown apart from a friend who you thought for sure would be there with you till the end- because of distance, or different life choices, or who they fell in love with?  have you ever realized that you were in a friendship that had no common ground whatsoever, except for a shared past?

it seems inevitable in a lifetime to have friendships that don't work out, for whatever reason.  but in my limited experience, friendship breakups can be almost as brutal as relationship breakups!  the difference is, when you break up with a friend, your other friends don't come knocking with ice cream and comedies to distract you from your hurts... it's kind of expected that you'll just move on with your life, even if you're left feeling like there's a giant hole that friendship used to fill. 

anyway, this was random (inspired by my own life and a mtv true life episode- no shame!). i hope you all have a fantastic weekend with lots of summery fun and goodness.  see you back here next week! xx

photo by alix rose cowie

Reader Comments (22)

I've had two heart breaking 'friendship breakups'.
I mourned one for almost 3 years. Seriously. Three Years.
The other one has been just about a year now and I still feel nauseous when I think about it. Sad.
Just like the regular old bf/gf breakups, they suck. In some ways I think it's worse since you never had to pick up their stinky undees behind the bathroom door. : )

08/24/12 | 11:57 AM | Unregistered Commenterliza

ugh liza, it's the worst! especially when you don't get closure the way you do when most lover-relationships end. i feel your pain. xx

08/24/12 | 12:7 PM | Registered Commentersarah yates

been TOTALLLLY there - it happens to everyone - you just got to end the relationship and move forward - they were in ur life for a reason, now they are leaving for a reason - it's life - it happens


08/24/12 | 12:21 PM | Unregistered CommenterErika ~Tiptoe Butterfly~

I definitely appreciated this post, Sarah. I know the feeling, since I recently had a friendship slowly fizzle out due to, like you said, the realization that the friendship had no common ground whatsoever, except for a shared past. It stings a bit, and it was a tad awkward, but you just know when it's time to move on. You grow into your own adult individual and sometimes those past relationships just don't mesh the same way anymore. I like the old sayings: plenty of fish in the sea + quality over quantity + Life goes on! Cliche but so true :)
Always love reading your posts, Sarah, and your wedding was truly my favorite wedding feature EVER.

Sarah xx

08/24/12 | 12:33 PM | Unregistered CommenterSarah | Chic Sprinkles

I had a friendship break-up in college- we more or less just grew apart, went through a phase where we just weren't exactly on the same page, and didn't make any effort to remain in each others' lives. It tore me up for years. And then one day a couple years out of college, I reached out to her on facebook just to see how she was doing, apologize for any role I had in our distance and let her know that I missed her. Our friendship seemed to pick right back up where it left off and we have since been in each others' weddings and remain close to this day.

08/24/12 | 12:35 PM | Unregistered CommenterKrysta

I can relate. Ending friendships is hard. Especially as an adult because by this point in life you know how precious true friendships are and that they are not easy to come by. At least for me and in my experience. It stings and hurts but you grow and move on eventually.

08/24/12 | 1:35 PM | Unregistered CommenterDear Life

I am so glad you posted this because I've been going through a friendship break-up since May. I felt like the only one experiencing this type of thing. Thanks for sharing.

08/24/12 | 1:58 PM | Unregistered CommenterYolie

YES! This post hits home. I think friendship "breakups" are especially hard because often things change without ever talking about it with your friend or having a proper falling out break up fight. Usually, things just shift, things go unspoken, and--before you know it--the friendship has faded away. It's weird but somehow the ambiguity makes it even harder. I never thought something could make me appreciate romantic relationship breakup drama, but it kinda does. ;)

08/24/12 | 3:39 PM | Unregistered Commenterjanna gould

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