CARLOS / MAY 22, 2014

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It’s been a week since Carlos, Lou’s father, moved from Florida to live with us here in Palm Springs.  As I shared here, he was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, cancer that has spread throughout his body like a fire.  I’ve decided to share bits of this journey we’re on with him here after the response on the last post was so incredible- the way you all opened your hearts to us and shared your stories, it was just so beautiful. And Carlos read through all of the comments.  It’s given him a sense of purpose in these last days, to know that I am sharing his story and that positive thoughts and love are spreading because of it.  He has such a huge appreciation for what Lou and I do, he loves these photos we’ve taken so much and sees our work as part of his legacy.  I don’t think we could ask for much more.

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Here’s the first thing I’ve learned in this process:  caring for Carlos has been, I imagine, similar to the experience of bringing home a newborn.  All of a sudden life seems so much more fragile, we’re consumed with worry, all of our priorities have taken a wild shift to revolve almost exclusively around his comfort and happiness, our hearts have expanded by tenfolds to accommodate this change.  I feel like my heart now lives outside my body, on this man whose balance is so fragile, whose happiness and well-being rest in our hands.

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We’re getting up throughout the night, so we have the tired weariness of new parents and when I look at Lou I see the exhaustion that I feel. I’m also overwhelmed with love.  Watching him care for his father, watching him give him everything he has, it’s one of the most extraordinary things I’ve been lucky enough to witness.  And my heart is full for Carlos, a man who is so sweet and full of beauty himself. {more after the jump}

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THIS IS LIFE

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We were supposed to fly out to Bali tonight (thank you so much for all of your jet-lag tips and well wishes on Friday’s post!).  We’re going to postpone our trip, and I have to explain- it would be weird at this point not to.  I haven’t written about what’s been going on in our family life because it feels so personal, and we’re right in the middle of it, but I think we need your support and I’m certain many of you have gone through similar experiences.  Last year around this time Lou’s father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  At the end of summer he had surgery and we were all hopeful that it would help keep the cancer at bay.  Unfortunately at the end of January we found out that it had come back and any further care would be palliative.  Palliative.  Hospice.  Metastasize.  There’s a whole new language to be learned when cancer comes into your life, it’s an education I wish for no one.

Pancreatic cancer is aggressive and one of the worst, from what we’ve been told.  We’ve been going back and forth to Florida since his diagnosis every chance we get- which we feel so fortunate to have been able to do quite a lot.  Our plan had been to move Lou’s dad in with us after our Bali trip, but some test results over the weekend made it obvious that we would be unwise to delay his trip, so tomorrow Lou will be flying back to Florida to get him.  He’ll be spending the rest of his days, however many they may be, with us here in Palm Springs.  We’re looking forward to caring for him and loving him through the rest of his life.  I feel like a robot typing this, I’m not ready to really write about what it all means and how it all feels.  For now the facts are all I can offer up.  But someday I hope to write about this experience- the beautiful, the messy, the real.  In the meantime, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I love you, and thank you.  xx- Sarah

BIRTHDAY DINNER DATE NIGHT

Yesterday was my birthday and last night we headed to one of our favorite spots in Palm Springs for dinner! And of course, like good photographers are wont to do, we took photos to help us remember the night. I’m striking my pure-birthday-sass pose, and Lou looks just as cute as they come, if you ask my opinion.  We’ll be doing a second round of birthday celebrations later this week when we head to Big Bear Lake for a night! Follow along on my instragram and Lou’s instragram if you’d like!  xx- Sarah  

* edit * just found this skirt which is similar to the one i’m wearing, in case you’re interested!  

i carry your heart

our family is spending valentine’s day what feels like a million miles apart.  he’s in tokyo, i’m in mexico, the pups are home.  it really is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder because let me tell you, my heart is feeling REALLY REALLY FOND.  i miss them all so much.  lou mora if you’re reading this in tokyo: happy valentine’s day! i know it’s a silly hallmark driven holiday but i can’t help but miss you even more because of it! i love you to the moon and back and then back again to infinity.  xx-sarah

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happy sunday my friends!

i hope you’re all having a great weekend!  according to twitter you’re all watching the superbowl and crying over the budweiser commercial as i type this?  i sure don’t get it but i’m happy it’s keeping you entertained! me? i prefer the puppy bowl.

this weekend we had a friend come into town for a visit and ditched our computers in favor of bike rides, polar plunges in the pool, dog walks, lots of yummy meals & good conversations.  having guests is my favorite thing! i hope you’re having a most relaxing sunday!  xx -sarah

photo from lou’s most recent shoot (mind blowing, if you ask MY opinion).  see more here