Hi friends,  I’m here today to share something that came to be on Instagram recently.  I posted the above and below in my Instragram Stories, and was shortly thereafter flooded with private messages from women sharing their stories, connecting to say #MeToo.  Each one broke my heart a little but also made me feel less alone.  That’s the beauty of it I guess, this movement that’s uncovering how shockingly common this is.  With each #MeToo we’re reminded not only of how pervasive this problem is but of how connected we all are in this pain.

I received one message in particular that nearly brought me to my knees. My heart wanted to crawl out of my body to go to her.  I’m sharing the conversation we had (anonymously and with her permission) below.  We both hope that our words bring a sense of strength and togetherness to the community of sexual violence survivors. And women in general. We’re all in this together and although we may not always be able to protect each other we can fight like hell to help each other pick up the pieces when our hearts have been broken, our lives shattered, our sense of safety in the world robbed from us.  Sharing our stories brings light to the darkness and is some of the most important, courageous, badass work we can do. Thank you for giving me this space, for trusting me with your stories and for listening to mine. I am so incredibly grateful.  #MeToo   Our conversation is below:

#metoo. I am 17, i was raped when i was 15 by my friends older brother. i have never written this down. even after almost two years it is so painful, i still have nightmares. thank you for being so strong to be outspoken, i know it is anything but easy. thank you for giving me the courage to even type this into a message. it feels good not to be alone. sending lots of love and light your way.


My dear,

I’m so, so incredibly sorry this happened to you.  Thank you for sharing with me and trusting me with your story.

I wish that I could tell you that it will get better but the fact is that it won’t.  This will always be a fucking terrible horrifying thing that happened.  That part won’t get better.

But YOU will.  I know that.

You will share what happened with someone else you trust one day hopefully soon and then eventually someone else after that. You will reclaim what was taken from you and you will step into your role more fully as survivor. It will give you strength to grow into a fucking super hero I promise you that.

You just have to show up for your life. Every day.  One day at a time.  And you have to face that this happened and you have to ask for help.  From anyone who can help you. And you can’t stop until you’ve found that person that is going to walk with you through this.

The only way to the other side of this is to face the pain and fear and memories that come uninvited and punch you in the guts. You keep pushing through it, you drag this horrifying thing that happened to you, this monster of a memory into the light and you fucking slay it.  Ok? You’ve got this.  Once the monster is fully in the light the nightmares will go away.

You are so very much stronger than you know, and I know that because you’re still here. Because you sent me that message and your bravery rings loudly in those words.  You are a badass who survived something that no woman (girl) should have to survive.

One last thing and this is extremely important:  victims of sexual violence often blame themselves. If there is even a part of you that does you would not be alone. But know this: there is NOTHING you did wrong. I can tell you that with absolute certainty because NO ONE has the right to touch you under ANY circumstances without your permission.  EVER.  There’s literally nothing in this world you could’ve done to invite it, provoke it, or even avoid it.

So if those self blame thoughts pop up you slay those motherfuckers too.

You’re not alone. My inbox is filled with messages from women who have survived and overcome and then gone on to kick ass at life.  As will you.

You have my full support and love.  Please tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.


thank you so much. this helped me more than i couldve ever imagined, a rock just fell off of my heart. i am so glad i told someone. thank you so much for your kind words it means so much to me. i will continue fighting through all the nightmares and i will complete myself again. i am so glad that we, as survivors, have the opportunities to share everything. it is an immense relief and the first step of healing. i am literally in tears writing this, i am so glad i spoke up and messaged you.

i wish you the best of luck in your fight against these terrible feelings. thank you so much 💛💛💛 sending you and all the other survirvors much love and strength.


If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

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Reader Comments

  1. Amanda|

    I had a #metoo experience when I was 14. I don’t know if I ever got over it necessarily, but one thing that helped whenever there was a trigger /flashback was to repeat to myself, “Right now, in this moment, you are safe. You are safe right now. It is not happening again. You are in your car/house/with your friends/within arms reach of a phone to call someone,etc.” It seems simple, but it seemed to calm me down so perhaps it could help others. It didn’t fix it, but at that moment when it came back and I was feeling sick, it helped me feel in control of where I was right then. I wish this never happened to her, but if she’s reading this- please know you’re not alone. This happened to you, but it’s not who you are or what defines you. Thank you sharing your story and I hope it can help you heal.

  2. gfy|

    I’ve always intuitively just scheduled a female doctor, after one terrible experience with a male gyno. I will never use a male gyno again, or for anything that requires personal body interaction.
    Women don’t need to blindly accept male doctors! Just ask for a woman. Simple.